The official wrestling sim topic

[Evil Vito]

Originally Posted by M-A-G PRE-SHOW MATCH: Number One Contenders Match for the WWE Unified World TItle: Xavier Cross vs. Kerry Cemenko I'm just going to let the match report speak for itself.

GOAT match candidate on the pre-show, good lord. They must have nuclear heat with the rest of the roster after that one.

NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS BEGINS!!!

Opening Match: Lonny Richards, Leah, and Hannah McCormick vs. Caleb Greene, Faith Connors, and Jenna Kyle The real test of teamwork for Jenna and Faith and it goes pretty well. The faces are all about that high-flying goodness, well, Faith and Caleb that is. It comes down to Greene and Richards as the women take care of their business on the outside. Nathan Quinn screws up his interference causing Lonny to get knocked to the ground leaving him vulnerable for a Green With Envy off the top rope for the pin. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Men taking the fall in intergender tag matches? What promotion is this?? Good stuff from Faith and Kyle.

Fourth Match: Steel Cage Match for the WWE Cruiserweight Title Former WWE Cruiserweight Champion-Elect Michael Hotbody (c) vs. Jordan Demiras Hotbody's sudden regained confidence immediately disappears the minute he sees the cage and thus tries to turn and bail. Lisa Benton comes out on the stage and simply shakes her head and points back to the ring signaling for Hotbody that he'd better get his ass in the cage. He's still hesitant so Benton has some nice security actually come down and physically carry Hotbody, kicking and screaming, to the cage. He's finally shoved in and the match can commence and shock of shocks, Hotbody's begging and pleading to Jordan Demiras has no effect. Demiras controls for a LOOOONG period of time just beating the shit out of Hotbody and busting him open. Hotbody can only manage a few bursts of desperation here and there. It comes down to the time where Demiras feels he's ready to escape the cage but ZED JONES SLAMS THE DOOR IN HIS FACE!!! WHERE DID HE COME FROM??? WHAT'S HE DOING?!?!? Hotbody recovers enough to where he signals for Jones to hand him something and thus Jones slides something over to the champion. It's a shard of a broken record! Hotbody uses it to bloody effects as Demiras gets cut open and even tries to jam it in his eye. He bounces Demiras around the cage walls a few times and now he calls for Jones to hand him something else. IT'S THE PIPE FROM SMACKDOWN!. Hotbody goes to town on Demiras who is just a mess at this point. When enough damage is done Hotbody casually walks out the door and celebrates with Jones to retain. BUT HE'S STILL NOT DONE! Hotbody invites Jones into the cage because it's actually kind of cool and fun and that he can scratch it off his bucket list. Thus the two enter and proceed to annihilate Demiras. Jones drags Demiras over to the door and Hotbody proceeds to repeatedly slam the door into his head, all while singing "I've Been Working on the Railroad." Officials finally come down to put an end to it all and thus Hotbody leaves with his title via piggyback on Zed Jones. ****1/4, 90% overall.

Zed Jones never turned on Hotbody! IT WAS ALL A RUSE BAH GAWD! The visual of the repeated cage door shots to the head while Hotbody sings is astounding

Sixth Match: Women's Title Sonya Braddock (c) vs. Naomi Bailey The physicality continues as these two are just brutes in the women's division. Braddock is able to utilize more technique though and that's enough to keep things even for the duration of the match. Naomi must sense that she's in trouble as she goes to the outside to regain her senses, crouched in front of the apron. Braddock goes to recover her but Naomi pops up with a surprise shot to the face with her scepter! This knocks Braddock back into the ref and Naomi takes advantage by quickly getting in as many shots with the scepter as she can before the ref recovers. She tosses her royal accessory just in time and pulls Braddock up to hit a Bail Out. She's not satisfied and picks up Braddock and hits another one. Naomi is all about playing it safe and thus goes on to hit a third Bail Out and that's enough for the pin and to crown A NEW Women's Champion. *****, 96% overall.

THAT is the way to take the belt off of a monster like Sonya - triple finishers! Great way to put her over even in a loss and there are no shortage of heels for Naomi to face.

MAIN EVENT: Fatal Four Way for the WWE Unified World Title Butch Fleming (c) vs. Haven vs. Noah Carmichael vs. Quentin McDaniels This is one fall to a finish and it's chaos defined as any notion of partnerships is just tossed out the window. Fleming gets introduced to the announce table is out for a good while. The ref is bumped when Carmichael sends McDaniels to the outside. The end comes when Quentin McDaniels prevents Carmichael from pinning Haven after he connects with the Quick Draw. Carmichael and McDaniels have their own sequence and Carmichael manages to connect with the Quick Draw. The ref crawls back inside! ONE...TWO...THREE!!! Your winner....AND STILL the WWE Unified World Champion, BUTCH FLEMING! Wait, what? Everyone's confused but we see that Fleming managed to crawl back in himself and lazily drape himself over Haven as the ref came back in. The ref only saw Fleming's pin! He's happy to get the win and bails back up the ramp rubbing it in everyone's faces! ****1/2, 94% overall. End of show. Overall rating: 95%

Sneaky way to swipe the win. Surprised to see a clean sweep for the heels in title matches but there's so many viable face contenders and big face retribution on the horizon for one of the big PPVs. 95% rating is stellar.

[M-A-G]

Had I known that Cross and Cemenko would have received that rating I'd have put them on the PPV proper. I wouldn't have expected that. Cross has quality stats and while Cemenko is no slouch, his charisma is relatively weak in comparison with an 83. I guess the prospect of him main eventing again lit a fire under his ass.

I'm fine with Caleb and Lonny but in the grand scheme of things, Faith and Jenna are way above them on the totem pole. I try protecting them whenever I can. And I also make sure they don't look weak in the ring! HEY YO! *rimshot*

In regards to Naomi, I think you meant there's no shortage of faces for her to defend against. I don't think I've done her versus Faith in a proper one-on-one match but no doubt it'd make all the monies.

[Evil Vito]

Tonight's results are sponsored by Allie:



AEW Dark: April 13, 2021:
-Luchasaurus def. Billy
-FTR def. Matt Sydal and Brian Pillman Jr.
-Kris Statlander def. Leva Bates
-Orange Cassidy def. Serpentico
-MJF def. Dustin Rhodes


AEW Dynamite: April 14, 2021

Segment 1:

10-man tag pandemonium to kick us off as the Inner Circle (Sammy Guevara, Jake Hager, Wardlow, Santana and Ortiz) take on a face team of Jurassic Express and Bad Romance. It's not a squash as the face team aren't exactly slouches, but the focus of the match is to show the Inner Circle being a cohesive unit and putting together a nice win in the process. Marko Stunt takes a Street Sweeper and sells it like hell in the loss. ***, 74% overall


Segment 2:

MJF gets on the mic and talks up the Inner Circle's big win. He then moves to address they're actions from last week. Sting, I know you're probably watching me from your retirement home, but you're exactly who we were talking about when we pledged to rid AEW of its has-beens. We were actually going to do the noble thing and challenge you to a match at Crossroads, but when we saw your geriatric ass up close and personal we decided to just take you out of your misery then and there. Trust us, we did you a big favor.

The lights go out, thunder claps, the lights flash and the lights pan up to reveal Sting in the rafters, bat in hand. He points it at the Inner Circle and they're irate that Sting is still standing. 86% overall


Segment 3:

Former women's champion Hikaru Shida is back in action against Allie who is making a rare in-ring appearance. She's actually a fairly decent wrestler, in real-life she's almost exclusively a manager at this point and I can only surmise she either picked up an injury somewhere or it's a personal choice. But be that as it may, Shida's trying to get herself back into winning ways.

Dr. Britt Baker joins commentary and accuses Shida of trying to jump the line, she lost the title, she needs to go to the back. Eventually she tries to run interference and it backfires, Shida gets the win. Britt runs in and clocks Shida only for Awesome Kong to emerge from the back. The heels run off, Kong is a heel herself but ran in to save Shida because she detests Britt just as much. ***, 78% overall


Segment 4:

Intergender (and interspecies?) trios match with Miro, Kip Sabian, and Penelope Ford facing Orange Cassidy, Chuck Taylor, and "The Galaxy's Greatest Alien" Kris Statlander. During this match it gets announced that Miro vs. Orange Cassidy in a steel cage match was signed for Crossroads, to settle their differences one on one once and for all.

Orange is a chill guy. Miro, not so much. He had no chill whatsoever in this match. The men were brawling on the outside, Kris was setting up Penelope for her finisher in the ring, Miro find an opening and Sambo kicks Kris right in the jaw to enormous heat drawing huge reprimand from JR on commentary. Penelope covers and heels get the win. **3/4, 73% overall


Segment 5:

Kenny Omega is backstage with Karl Anderson and Don Callis. Callis rags about Tony Khan being a terrible boss with no clue on how to run a business, because he's booked the World champion and best wrestler in the world in an unfair triple threat title defense against Moxley and PAC at Crossroads.

You think this is gonna be just a talking segment? Think again. Moxley and PAC both enter from other sides of the room and start taking it to Omega and Anderson. Furniture is thrown and amidst the fracas Callis manages to pull Kenny out and they both take off, leaving poor Karl to take most of the beating. Mox and PAC eventually have a tense staredown as their recent alliance is going to have to come to an end at Crossroads. 88% overall and Karl Anderson once again gains overness from being in a segment as 3 of the most over workers on the roster


Segment 6:

Singles action between Frankie Kazarian and Dax Harwood of FTR. A nice little old school bout between the two veterans with a good mix of brawling and technical. Cash eventually blindsides Daniels on the outside, which throws Kazarian off his game and leaves him prey to a cheap rollup with a tight hook from Dax for the win.

Daniels eventually recovers and hops in to run off FTR. Tully Blanchard says FTR are the best tag team in the world and if you can't even beat them separately, how can you beat them together? If SCU had any stones, they'd put their #1 contendership on the line next week. SCU nod and the match is set for next week. Yeah I just combined a challenge segment into this in my brain because I only had 11 to work with. ***1/4, 81% overall


Segment 7:

Young Bucks promo. They're asked if they have a preference over who they'll face at Crossroads and like every promo ever, they confirm that no, they'll be ready no matter who it is. Just a promo really, had to toss the Bucks on here because main event level guys lose morale if I don't use them within 3 shows and they don't often work Dark. Miiiiight need to go back to using my hack of turning the main event guys into managers so they won't get as fussy about working constantly. 89% overall


Segment 8:

Tag match up next with Hangman Page teaming with Colt Cabana against Private Party, accompanied by Big Money Matt Hardy. Quite a good match, Private Party still aren't quite over enough to generate big overall ratings but it was a 90% quality bout so let the snowflakes keep on coming. Hangman is on the apron, setting up for the Buckshot Lariat but Matt eventually pulls him off the apron and starts wailing on him, forcing a DQ.

As is normally the case in the numbers game now, the Hardy Party have to flee when Dark Order show up but Page isn't satisfied with that. He takes a mic "Matt, I'm sick of us having to dance this dance every week. You and I have to settle this once and for all. Double or Nothing isn't until next month, but I can't wait until then. Crossroads, you and me, double or nothing for our first 6 months of earnings. Whatever fine print bullshit you want to put in the contract, it doesn't matter anymore, it's worth the money just to kick your ass all around the bulding." ***1/2, 81% overall


Segment 9:

AEW obtained some disturbing footage of Darby Allin being jumped by Team Taz outside of his home in Seattle earlier this week, apparently they've now resorted to attacking him far away from the arena to avoid anyone else from coming to help him. Taz tells Darby the beatings won't stop until he gives Brian Cage the TNT Title shot he deserves.


Segment 10:

Our main event of the evening sees Cody Rhodes and Eddie Kingston blow off their feud in a First Blood match. Cody's bled plenty the past couple of weeks, and the psychology of the match is that his freshly healed stitched up forehead is a prime target. Eddie gets some brass knuckles, loads up and looks ready to deliver the final blow....spinning backfirst but WAIT! He didn't see Cody had a pipe in his hand. Cody blocks the backfist with the pipe, Eddie screams in pain after hitting a lead pipe with the brass knucks, Cody then hits a clean pipe shot to the help and Kingston is busted wide the fuck open! ***1/4, 88% overall


Segment 11:

Cody celebrates his win and starts heading up the ramp as Kingston slowly comes to in the ring. Cody has a microphone "Eddie, you're a tough bastard, and have given me all I could handle these past couple of months.

You may have been busted open tonight, but TRUST ME, it's about to get a lot worse for you. But the pain won't last forever...because everybody dies.



Well worth clicking that link, that theme fucking rules so hard. It's "The Murderhawk Monster" Lance Archer with his manager Jake "The Snake" Roberts! Eddie Kingston and his Family put them on the shelf months ago, and now it's time to pay. Archer hits the ring and plants the bloody Kingston with a boot as Dynamite goes off the air. 81% overall rating

81% show rating

---

Notes:

-Matt Jackson wants to work with Matt Hardy.

-PAC requests to work with Kenny Omega. Are you even paying attention to the show you're on???

-I kill ROH again, don't see that changing anytime soon.

-Crossroads is 10 days away. Well that crept up fast, if it sounds like I'm throwing the card together haphazardly it's because I kinda am. I'm so not used to trying to book a big monthly show after two years of watching AEW with their 4 PPVs a year.

[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito Tonight's results are sponsored by Allie:

Ugh...cosplayers... Sorry, it's a personal thing.

AEW Dark: April 13, 2021: -Luchasaurus def. Billy -FTR def. Matt Sydal and Brian Pillman Jr. -Kris Statlander def. Leva Bates -Orange Cassidy def. Serpentico -MJF def. Dustin Rhodes

I'm picturing the Statlander/Bates match as a contest of who has the most outrageous outfit.

AEW Dynamite: April 14, 2021 Segment 1: 10-man tag pandemonium to kick us off as the Inner Circle (Sammy Guevara, Jake Hager, Wardlow, Santana and Ortiz) take on a face team of Jurassic Express and Bad Romance. It's not a squash as the face team aren't exactly slouches, but the focus of the match is to show the Inner Circle being a cohesive unit and putting together a nice win in the process. Marko Stunt takes a Street Sweeper and sells it like hell in the loss. ***, 74% overall Segment 2: MJF gets on the mic and talks up the Inner Circle's big win. He then moves to address they're actions from last week. Sting, I know you're probably watching me from your retirement home, but you're exactly who we were talking about when we pledged to rid AEW of its has-beens. We were actually going to do the noble thing and challenge you to a match at Crossroads, but when we saw your geriatric ass up close and personal we decided to just take you out of your misery then and there. Trust us, we did you a big favor. The lights go out, thunder claps, the lights flash and the lights pan up to reveal Sting in the rafters, bat in hand. He points it at the Inner Circle and they're irate that Sting is still standing. 86% overall

Opening match multi-man is goodness is just as fun as main event multi-man goodness. That's a sweet promo that basically comes down to "your mere presence and existence pisses me off" which is always funny.

Segment 3: Former women's champion Hikaru Shida is back in action against Allie who is making a rare in-ring appearance. She's actually a fairly decent wrestler, in real-life she's almost exclusively a manager at this point and I can only surmise she either picked up an injury somewhere or it's a personal choice. But be that as it may, Shida's trying to get herself back into winning ways. Dr. Britt Baker joins commentary and accuses Shida of trying to jump the line, she lost the title, she needs to go to the back. Eventually she tries to run interference and it backfires, Shida gets the win. Britt runs in and clocks Shida only for Awesome Kong to emerge from the back. The heels run off, Kong is a heel herself but ran in to save Shida because she detests Britt just as much. ***, 78% overall

Come on, who could hate a face like this?

Segment 4: Intergender (and interspecies?) trios match with Miro, Kip Sabian, and Penelope Ford facing Orange Cassidy, Chuck Taylor, and "The Galaxy's Greatest Alien" Kris Statlander. During this match it gets announced that Miro vs. Orange Cassidy in a steel cage match was signed for Crossroads, to settle their differences one on one once and for all. Orange is a chill guy. Miro, not so much. He had no chill whatsoever in this match. The men were brawling on the outside, Kris was setting up Penelope for her finisher in the ring, Miro find an opening and Sambo kicks Kris right in the jaw to enormous heat drawing huge reprimand from JR on commentary. Penelope covers and heels get the win. **3/4, 73% overall

I laughed at the description of both guys' chill factor which prompted me to demand a stat for a worker's level of chillness. Like, RVD would be a 100 no question. Also, props on the balls to let a woman take a shot like that. I'm sure Twitter and tumblr will have no comment on that.

Segment 5: Kenny Omega is backstage with Karl Anderson and Don Callis. Callis rags about Tony Khan being a terrible boss with no clue on how to run a business, because he's booked the World champion and best wrestler in the world in an unfair triple threat title defense against Moxley and PAC at Crossroads. You think this is gonna be just a talking segment? Think again. Moxley and PAC both enter from other sides of the room and start taking it to Omega and Anderson. Furniture is thrown and amidst the fracas Callis manages to pull Kenny out and they both take off, leaving poor Karl to take most of the beating. Mox and PAC eventually have a tense staredown as their recent alliance is going to have to come to an end at Crossroads. 88% overall and Karl Anderson once again gains overness from being in a segment as 3 of the most over workers on the roster

"Callis rags about Tony Khan being a terrible boss with no clue on how to run a business..." IT'S A SHOOT, BABY!!! I love it when a heel just abandons one of their own just to save their own ass. It makes it even more hilarious that Anderson got more over by getting his ass beat.

Segment 6: Singles action between Frankie Kazarian and Dax Harwood of FTR. A nice little old school bout between the two veterans with a good mix of brawling and technical. Cash eventually blindsides Daniels on the outside, which throws Kazarian off his game and leaves him prey to a cheap rollup with a tight hook from Dax for the win. Daniels eventually recovers and hops in to run off FTR. Tully Blanchard says FTR are the best tag team in the world and if you can't even beat them separately, how can you beat them together? If SCU had any stones, they'd put their #1 contendership on the line next week. SCU nod and the match is set for next week. Yeah I just combined a challenge segment into this in my brain because I only had 11 to work with. ***1/4, 81% overall

Well you do what you have to do considering Daniels' situation. I imagine something will go down that will take him out of the picture leaving Kazarian on his own?

Segment 7: Young Bucks promo. They're asked if they have a preference over who they'll face at Crossroads and like every promo ever, they confirm that no, they'll be ready no matter who it is. Just a promo really, had to toss the Bucks on here because main event level guys lose morale if I don't use them within 3 shows and they don't often work Dark. Miiiiight need to go back to using my hack of turning the main event guys into managers so they won't get as fussy about working constantly. 89% overall

I'm actually surprised that they made it that easy to give somebody a manager's status considering the hoops you had to jump through for the last game. Of course they made up for it with a bunch of other headaches but that's neither here nor there.

Segment 8: Tag match up next with Hangman Page teaming with Colt Cabana against Private Party, accompanied by Big Money Matt Hardy. Quite a good match, Private Party still aren't quite over enough to generate big overall ratings but it was a 90% quality bout so let the snowflakes keep on coming. Hangman is on the apron, setting up for the Buckshot Lariat but Matt eventually pulls him off the apron and starts wailing on him, forcing a DQ. As is normally the case in the numbers game now, the Hardy Party have to flee when Dark Order show up but Page isn't satisfied with that. He takes a mic "Matt, I'm sick of us having to dance this dance every week. You and I have to settle this once and for all. Double or Nothing isn't until next month, but I can't wait until then. Crossroads, you and me, double or nothing for our first 6 months of earnings. Whatever fine print bullshit you want to put in the contract, it doesn't matter anymore, it's worth the money just to kick your ass all around the bulding." ***1/2, 81% overall

Surely there will be one big Dark Order vs. Hardy Party bruhahah at some point right?

Segment 9: AEW obtained some disturbing footage of Darby Allin being jumped by Team Taz outside of his home in Seattle earlier this week, apparently they've now resorted to attacking him far away from the arena to avoid anyone else from coming to help him. Taz tells Darby the beatings won't stop until he gives Brian Cage the TNT Title shot he deserves.

LOL, that's a long way to go for an ass kicking. That's like George Costanza levels of pettiness. I love it.

Segment 10: Our main event of the evening sees Cody Rhodes and Eddie Kingston blow off their feud in a First Blood match. Cody's bled plenty the past couple of weeks, and the psychology of the match is that his freshly healed stitched up forehead is a prime target. Eddie gets some brass knuckles, loads up and looks ready to deliver the final blow....spinning backfirst but WAIT! He didn't see Cody had a pipe in his hand. Cody blocks the backfist with the pipe, Eddie screams in pain after hitting a lead pipe with the brass knucks, Cody then hits a clean pipe shot to the help and Kingston is busted wide the fuck open! ***1/4, 88% overall Segment 11: Cody celebrates his win and starts heading up the ramp as Kingston slowly comes to in the ring. Cody has a microphone "Eddie, you're a tough bastard, and have given me all I could handle these past couple of months. You may have been busted open tonight, but TRUST ME, it's about to get a lot worse for you. But the pain won't last forever...because everybody dies. Well worth clicking that link, that theme fucking rules so hard. It's "The Murderhawk Monster" Lance Archer with his manager Jake "The Snake" Roberts! Eddie Kingston and his Family put them on the shelf months ago, and now it's time to pay. Archer hits the ring and plants the bloody Kingston with a boot as Dynamite goes off the air. 81% overall rating 81% show rating

Getting busted open and then beatdown by someone else who wasn't even in the match? There's just no need for that level of excessiveness!

Notes: -Matt Jackson wants to work with Matt Hardy. -PAC requests to work with Kenny Omega. Are you even paying attention to the show you're on??? -I kill ROH again, don't see that changing anytime soon. -Crossroads is 10 days away. Well that crept up fast, if it sounds like I'm throwing the card together haphazardly it's because I kinda am. I'm so not used to trying to book a big monthly show after two years of watching AEW with their 4 PPVs a year.

Yeah, I hate those emails where the workers look like they're essentially clueless as to what I've been doing. "Hey, I'd like to work with Faith Connors at some point!" YOU JUST DID AN ANGLE WHERE YOU WERE BEATING HER DOWN!!! "Ben Dillinger and Joey Dillinger blend really well as a team and it adds a lot to their matches probably due to their similar styles". THEY'VE BEEN A TEAM FOR GOD DAMN EVER AND HAVE A 100 TEAM RATING!!!

[Evil Vito]

Originally Posted by M-A-G Ugh...cosplayers... Sorry, it's a personal thing.

If it’s any consolation I’m 95% sure Allie also has nudes out there but you might be paid a visit by the Butcher and the Blade

laughed at the description of both guys' chill factor which prompted me to demand a stat for a worker's level of chillness. Like, RVD would be a 100 no question. Also, props on the balls to let a woman take a shot like that. I'm sure Twitter and tumblr will have no comment on that.

they might have to change the ratings just for RVD to give him 420 chill

And yeah, there’s a segment of IWC fandom that really enjoy inter gender wrestling as some indy feds have pulled it off successfully, but I think in a national promotion it’d be tough to do except in certain scenarios. You need a woman who can believably be booked against men. Kong is a choice obviously and has done it in TNA, Nyla Rose who I haven’t booked yet as I’ve been trying to find the right way to bring her back is a transwoman with a similar build to Kong. Past them, Kris Stat has done it on the indies and could pull it off, she’s like 5’9” which is tall for a woman, and a pretty thick (or thicc?) build.

LOL, that's a long way to go for an ass kicking. That's like George Costanza levels of pettiness. I love it.

You know, other than Blood and Guys I never stopped to think on where these others shows are being held. I’ve established that the pandemic is over and Dynamite can be on the road again, so I’d hope they’re out west this week....but given that I imagine Darby living on the rural outskirts in the middle of nowhere, yeah very petty

Getting busted open and then beatdown by someone else who wasn't even in the match? There's just no need for that level of excessiveness!

It is kind of a role reversal deal where the faces kinda look like dicks in the end but I think there’s a fine line between “faces are dicks for kicking a man when he’s down” and “faces are giving the asshole heel his long due comeuppance

[M-A-G]

Still working out the kinks for King of the Ring. I have 5 weeks instead of the usual four until the PPV and I'm going back and forth between doing 32 or 16 participants.

I should also note that I had a Russo moment when determining how to end the Hotbody/Demiras match. I had thought about turning Lisa Benton heel on Demiras because she actually WAS trying to get into his pants but he was completely oblivious to her advances and intentions. I immediately dismissed it because it was pretty stupid and had no real payoff.

[Evil Vito]

With that much time and 3 shows I think 32 would be doable, the more the merrier with that roster.

I actually think it would've been more of a Russo thing if Benton had turned because she decided she was strangely drawn to Hotbody. A play on that whole trope of "nice girl falls for the blatant asshole". Hotbody spends months criticizing Demiras for getting unfair treatment via railing the boss only to see no issue with it now that he's the one doing the railing.

[Evil Vito]

Only one more Dynamite until Crossroads and it's gonna seem like I've booked the entire card on 3 days notice but in reality AEW use social media to advance feuds/post promos etc and there's no real way to account for that here.

And going back to a monthly large event format is giving me fits. I got used to it running WWE games all these years, since I nearly always had a brand split it was fine enough to treat the brand-exclusive PPVs as souped up Raw and SmackDown episodes whilst building to the actual big shows.

I mean yeah the non-PPV large events COULD be souped up Dynamites but it's tough not to have it feel thrown together in places. Of course having to plan Sting's retirement in 3 weeks didn't help.

[Evil Vito]

I think real life AEW outdid me this week with how they handled the Inner Circle dissension storyline last night.

The group (sans Wardlow) was in the ring doing a promo, Jericho says it's time to shake up the group and MJF says maybe they should trim the fat. Sammy Guevara then plays a video he shot from the Inner Circle locker room showing the other members agreeing to overthrow Jericho and put MJF in charge.

Cut to the ring, everyone looks ready to beat down Jericho only everyone to turn around and now all the founding members have cornered MJF instead. "You think we don't talk every day and didn't already know what you were trying to do?"

MJF begs off like a bitch and then says "I swear i wasn't trying to take over your Inner Circle, I was too busy forming my own" leading to Wardlow, FTR, and Shawn Spears sneaking into the ring and doing an ambush. FTR and Spears aligning after I stuck them together in my game.

Anyway, it's now a face Inner Circle vs. a heel whatever the hell MJF's group is gonna be called. It might actually justify doing a Blood and Guts match down the line. I love me a stable war.

I just thought it was cool because EVERYBODY thought Jericho was getting usurped and turning face, only to subvert expectations by turning the entire original stable face instead and letting MJF reign with a brand new group as the ultimate dickhead heel.

[M-A-G]

Nah, your way is more interesting. I'm down with a mega heel stable who intentions are to beat the shit out of the old timers.

[M-A-G]

Raw: June 25, 2040

It's the night after Night of Champions and we begin the march to King of the Ring! This year will be a 32-man tournament and the invitations are being sent out tonight. Who will win the crown this year and go on to SummerSlam to compete for the Unified World Title in the main event?

We open with a very special edition of the Hot Ticket with everyone's favorite host, the WWE Cruiserweight Champion, The Undefeated Steel Cage Master Former Cruiserweight Champion-Elect Michael Hotbody. Hotbody declares that he is 3-0 against Jordan Demiras in big match situations and that right there should be enough for their business to be over and done. If nobody wants to use that as a measure well then just take a look at Jordan's current status after what happened to him last night! It'll be a long time before Demiras is ready to come back and even then he might just have to think twice about ever considering stepping into the ring with Hotbody. Just to make it clear as to who is at fault, Lisa Benton was warned time and time again that there was no need to go through with a cage match so what happened to Jordan Demiras IS ALL HER FAULT!!! Hotbody hopes that she can sleep at night with that knowledge. Enough about those two, though, this is also about a very special someone and that is Zed Jones, who had a last minute change of heart last night and was present to correct certain injustices THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT PART OF A PLAN OR RUSE!!! It's important that's emphasized. Zed deserves more than just a thank you so Hotbody has taken it upon himself to pull some strings and get Zed a suitable reward. "Here you go, man. I want you to have my King of the Ring invitation. You earned this and you deserve a chance to get at the same level of success as me!"

The music of Martyn LaSalle interrupts the lovefest and the number one contender to the Cruiserweight Title comes out on the stage. "Hotbody, I'd call you an idiot for handing over such a key to immortality as a chance to become King of the Ring but in a way I understand it. You're obviously going to be using the extra time you'll be having to focus on your next challenge to your championship...which is me. Now, that's down the road, granted but unlike you, I can multitask. See, I have an invitation for the King of the Ring tournament, too, and what better way to cap off the summer than to win the tournament, beat you for the Cruiserweight Title, and then headline SummerSlam and win the Unified World Title? It'd be history but like I said, I'm sure you're going to be laser focused on preparing for me and not occupying yourself with dance parties and press conferences, because that'd be pretty embarrassing if you're not."

"Hey! I don't need to listen to this! I especially don't need to hear it from some sap who doesn't even know the meaning of true friendship. This is all about the true friendship that I value with Zed Jones but that's lost on someone like you. I mean, the last friend you had beat you to a pulp and went on to challenge for the World Title and never looked back! I'm always ready and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to embarrass you!"

"Well, that's good to hear. I mean I was worried I was going to be facing the sniveling little whiny bitch who cried over a broken record but now that I know that you're taking this seriously I look forward to no excuses coming out of your mouth to try to get out of this. Even more importantly I look forward to becoming champion one more time. Cheers!" And with that LaSalle takes his leave as Hotbody is left annoyed.

Backstage, Nathan Quinn is with Leah and they're irate with Jenna Kyle. Leah wants to know if Jenna thinks she's better than her just because she doesn't feel like she needs to join up with Nathan Quinn. Jenna will learn the hard way that her decisions have consequences.

First Match: Ozzy Mandias vs. Romeo Valiente
Lisa Benton sweetens the pot by offering the winner an invitation to the King of the Ring tournament. This is essentially a feud ender and they give it their all. Ozzy is the young up-and-comer and Valiente's shelf life is running short so the outcome shouldn't be in doubt. Indeed, Ozzy nails the Blizzard of Oz and picks up the pin. *****, 95% overall.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with the Royal Effect, Moses McKay and King Kavovit. They talk about what they did last night in costing the Play Pals the Unified Tag Team Titles. The Royal Effect should have been the ones with the title shot at Night of Champions. They're the new hip thing in the tag team division. The Play Pals are yesterday's news and had no business getting that title shot. How messed up is it that the Royal Effect, the hottest thing going on right now, had to take a backseat to a pair of man-children hopped up on video games and geekery? If anyone has a problem with that, they'll have no problem proving themselves right by putting an end to the Play Pals!

Naturally this brings out the duo of Gavin Jones and Michael Haywood to try to get some measure of payback. The Royal Effect have other ideas though and decide to pack it in and bail.

Second Match: The Dillingers vs. The Young Bloods
Nothing wrong with tossing in an awesome tag team match in the middle of all the drama. The Dillingers get the nod here after Joey hits Sully Lane with the Dillinger Escape Plan off the top for the pin. ****1/2, 93% overall.

Backstage, WWE Intercontinental Champion Brandon Reigns wants to brag about retaining his title. Jacobs was an idiot for bringing his family to Night of Champions, thinking it was going to be some big moment of triumph. All it did was screw him over. Really, though, family or no family, Jacobs was going to be in for some major disappointment either way. The interview is interrupted when a stagehand comes in and hands Reigns an envelope.

"What's this?" Reigns asks.

"It's your King of the Ring invitation."

"It's my King of the Ring invitation, SIR! Look, never mind." Reigns hands the envelope back. "I'm guessing you and Lisa Benton didn't pay attention when I announced my plans for my Money in the Bank contract. I already have a guaranteed title shot right here. I don't need to overextend myself unnecessarily. I'm taking the Unified World Title at WrestleMania. So take that invitation back to Benton and she can have the peons fight over it." With that, Reigns takes his leave.

Third Match: Conner Buchanan vs. Doug Michaels
Buchanan's manager, Paul Andrews is on commentary boasting about what he's been doing to help get Buchanan back on track. Nothing major here other than a menas to make Buchanan look good as I have plans for him. Buchanan gets the pin after a pretty even match. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Fourth Match: WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey vs. Frankie
Naomi rubs it in the faces of the crowd that she's the new champion just like she said she was going to do! Braddock's cockiness got the better of her and she underestimated Naomi's resolve! No one had better make that same mistake again for their own sake! Anyways, the match is designed to put Naomi over as an arrogant monster. She still cheats to win just to be a bitch. ****1/2, 91% overall.

Backstage, Noah Carmichael wants to rip into Butch Fleming. Fleming has the luck of fools on his side because otherwise you'd be looking at the new Unified World Champion. Quentin McDaniels walks into the picture and takes offense to this. Carmichael claims that he had McDaniels dead to rights last night. McDaniels counters that there's no way Carmichael could pull another miracle out of his ass in another one on one scenario. Lisa Benton comes in to cool things down and hands them both an invitation to the King of the Ring. She tells them to pick themselves up and shake off the dust because they're going to have their hands full.

Fifth Match: Faith Connors and Jenna Kyle vs. Billie Padgett and Emma Edwards
The Brooklyn Sisterhood reunite to try their hands at the faces. I'm still working on a name for Jenna and Faith. Anyways, it's a David vs. Goliath situation as the heels are just powerhouses. Hannah McCormick tries to insert herself into the picture but that backfires as Padgett collides with her off an Irish whip. Connors hits the Mirror's Edge to score the pin. *****, 96% overall.

MAIN EVENT: Kerry Cemenko vs. Orlando Kincaid
Cemenko is looking to BUILD MOMENTUM as he is the new number one contender to the Unified World Title. Butch Fleming comes down to observe his latest challenger. The end comes when Cemenko sets up for the Curb Stomp but Fleming 'accidentally' trips him up coming off the ropes. That's enough for a DQ and Fleming hops into the ring looking to get himself a piece. Alexander Piero runs down to take care of Kincaid in an attempt to keep things even but the rookie is in over his head and he, too, falls victim. We go off the air with Fleming standing tall raising his belts over his head. *****, 95% overall.

Overall show rating: 90%

[M-A-G]

Superstars: June 28, 2040

We open with Lisa Benton addressing the fact that Brandon Reigns surrendered his invitation for the King of the Ring tournament. Therefore, for tonight's main event, 20 men will compete in an over-the-top-rope battle royal where the winner will receive that invitation as the prize. It's vital that all of the players are in place as the tournament kicks off tomorrow night on SmackDown!. Also tonight, Michael Haywood of the Play Pals will face off against King Kavovit of the Royal Effect.

First Match: Martyn LaSalle vs. Joey Osbourne
It's always nice to open with some hot cruiserweight goodness. LaSalle obviously needs the rub here as he's looking to not only challenge for the Cruiserweight Title but also compete in the King of the Tournament. LaSalle has a few brief moments where he looks over his shoulder as if keeping an eye out for Hotbody and any shenanigans he may be up to but none arise. LaSalle scores the tap out win after locking in the Martynizer. ****1/2, 83% overall.

That 83% gives me pause that this might be a dud show.

Backstage, Paul Andrews leaves the locker room of his client, Conner Buchanan but runs into the Intercontinental Champion Brandon Reigns. Reigns wonders how the preparation is going for tonight. After all, Buchanan is one of the poor desperate sheep that's going to be in tonight's battle royal. Reigns declares that he will be watching it all unfold with amusement. Andrews comments on what a paradox Brandon Reigns is. Here is someone who has come so far yet fallen even further at the same time. Reigns brings up how the two of them had a bit of a thing going way back when, kind of like what he had with Jake Connelly...and we all saw how that turned out. Andrews makes it clear that he has no interest in crossing Reigns in a match but warns that any client under his watch won't be so understanding.

Second Match: Leah vs. Missy Brantley
Leah isn't letting Night of Champions get her down. She's in prime form here as Nathan Quinn talks her up on commentary and rips Jenna Kyle for being a selfish idiot for not accepting his offer. Brantley makes a comeback and it's evidently enough to cause Quinn to leave the announce team and offer some aide. The distraction is enough for Leah to take advantage and hit the Sultry Splash for the win. ****1/2, 82% overall.

Yup, it's a dud show. My first in 4.2.

Third Match: The British Infection vs. Galino & Farnes
I should get Galino & Farnes a manager or something. Anyway, this is just some solid tag team action to give the crowd a cheap pop for the face victory. The Brits hit Farnes with the Queen's English to pick up the pin. ****1/2, 81% overall.

I love how in this game, being a dud show doesn't affect the star ratings. Had this been 3.0, that match would have been a **1/2.

Backstage, Madison is with her client, Alexander Piero. Piero knew that he'd eventually hit a rough patch on his rise through the ranks, he just didn't expect it to come in the form of decorated stars like Orlando Kincaid the World Champion himself. Some people would look at what happened on Raw and beg Piero to pick his battles a little better. Well, too late for that now because he's in the King of the Ring tournament and his first round opponent is none other than Orlando Kincaid. Who knows? First Kincaid, and then the World Title at SummerSlam?

Fourth Match: Michael Haywood vs. King Kavovit
Let the feud begin! This is, of course, stemming from the Royal Effect messing things up for the Play Pals at Night of Champions. Even the power of the almight DUD show can't stop these guys as Moses McKay lends a helping hand behind the ref's back and hits Haywood with the Mass Effect allowing Kavovit to pick up the pin. Gavin Jones chases the heels off afterwards. *****, 89% overall.

Backstage, Tania talks about wanting to be in line to challenge the new Women's Champion but she still has some unfinished business with Billie Padgett. She talks about needing to impress in order to get that recognition.

Fifth Match: Wolves of Wall Street vs. The Dillingers
More awesome tag team action. I feel bad pushing the Dillingers aside in the meantime but I have to give some other teams a shot at the champs. Ben Dillinger gets the pin over Hughes after a Frog Splash. *****, 86% overall. I give the finger to DUD shows.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with Hannah McCormick who shares Leah's frustration at how Night of Champions turned out. All Jenna and Faith did was buy themselves another day. Neither one of them can measure up to Hannah's star power. Maybe it's better for them if they take their little hugfest home and stay there because the people demand REAL women who are about getting things done. Faith is the worst of the worst because she suckers all of the people and gives nothing in return. Everyone here and watching at home should be ashamed of themselves for settling for a common street punk like Faith! Naturally, all of these insults aren't sitting well with Faith and she takes it upon herself to interrupt the tirade AND WE HAVE OURSELVES A CATFIGHT! Joey Styles, do your thing!

MAIN EVENT: 20-Man Battle Royal for the final spot in the King of the Ring Tournament.
Your participants: Blaine Bellamey, Conner Buchanan, Daniel St. Croix, Doug Michaels, El Silencio, Hugo, Isaac Wolff, Jerome McDougal, Jesse Capalbo, Julian Merrick, Marc Fury, Mathias, Patrick Dean Quartermaine, Rick Hilton, Robbie Greer, Seth Von Kamp, Stanley Coleman, Steve Hayes, Tom Foley, and Zachary Vale. The seeds for a Wyldhearts/Future Foundation feud are planted as they eliminate each other and crush poor Vivian Merrick in the process. It comes down to Conner Buchanan and Seth Von Kamp. Von Kamp is able to capitalize on Buchanan being pre-occupied with Brandon Reigns on the outside and thus gets the final elimination and goes on to the King of the Ring! 72% overall.

Overall show rating: 86%

[M-A-G]

So I guess I might as well post the brackets. Behold, the 2040 King of the Ring Tournament!

[Evil Vito]

Originally Posted by M-A-G Fifth Match: Faith Connors and Jenna Kyle vs. Billie Padgett and Emma Edwards The Brooklyn Sisterhood reunite to try their hands at the faces. I'm still working on a name for Jenna and Faith. Anyways, it's a David vs. Goliath situation as the heels are just powerhouses. Hannah McCormick tries to insert herself into the picture but that backfires as Padgett collides with her off an Irish whip. Connors hits the Mirror's Edge to score the pin. *****, 96% overall. MAIN EVENT: Kerry Cemenko vs. Orlando Kincaid Cemenko is looking to BUILD MOMENTUM as he is the new number one contender to the Unified World Title. Butch Fleming comes down to observe his latest challenger. The end comes when Cemenko sets up for the Curb Stomp but Fleming 'accidentally' trips him up coming off the ropes. That's enough for a DQ and Fleming hops into the ring looking to get himself a piece. Alexander Piero runs down to take care of Kincaid in an attempt to keep things even but the rookie is in over his head and he, too, falls victim. We go off the air with Fleming standing tall raising his belts over his head. *****, 95% overall. Overall show rating: 90%

well that's quite a double whammy

As a battle royal mark I'm always gonna be thrilled to see one, I like that you have justifiable reasons for Hotbody and Reigns deciding to nope their way right out of the tournament. Faces can criticize Reigns for being a dope because there's worse things in life than having a second World Title match guaranteed, but it plays with his character to not participate.

Even your dud shows draw better ratings than a normal promotion but yeah I've always appreciated that dud shows don't impact the snowflake ratings. Cause I mean, a good in-ring match is a good in-ring match. The real penalty is the crowd reaction slipping a bit because for whatever reason they're just having an off night.

Glad you went with a 32-man tourney bring on the snowflakes

[Evil Vito]

Tonight's results are sponsored by Reba (Britt Baker's manager, went by Rebel in TNA which produced this gem):



AEW Dark: April 20, 2021:
-The Butcher and The Blade def. QT Marshall and Billy
-Serena Deeb def. Mel
-Matt Sydal def. Serpentico
-Dr. Britt Baker def. Yuka Sakazaki
-Matt Hardy def. Evil Uno


AEW Dynamite: April 21, 2021

Segment 1:

MJF opened up the show in the ring, surprisingly all by his lonesome, and he immediately started to shit talk Sting again. The old fool has agreed to fight me at Crossroads, but why wait til Saturday? Bring your old ass out here now, unless you're afraid of getting schooled by a guy 30 years your junior.

After no answer, MJF needles him further by raising the stakes. "I know you liked to make a name for yourself taking down top factions...so how's this for a wager? Remember how our former "boss" of the Inner Circle threatened to break up the group and couldn't back it up? If you win, I will leave the Inner Circle just as soon as I entered it. But if you lose, you're done. No more wrestling, no more AEW, a distant memory like the charred ashes of WCW. If you're gonna take this deal, come face me one on one, you coward!"

Lights go out and when they come back on, in my best Tony Schiavone voice, it's Stiiiiiiing! He nods at MJF to accept the challenge, points the bat right to his throat. And then, in a sign that he's ready for a fair fight, drops the bat.

MJF just laughs "wow, all these years later, you are way too trusting".....and Sting is soon jumped by Sammy Guevara! Massive heel heat and the two put the boots to Sting before Sammy's opponent tonight, Cody Rhodes, emerges from the back to run the two of them off! The rest of Inner Circle make their way out but think better of intervening when Sting retrieves his bat again. 82% overall


Segment 2:

Lance Archer makes his in-ring return against 33 year ring veteran and former Japanese deathmatch legend Luther. Luther is ancient and probably another guy the game will retire once his birthday comes, so he's just here to put over others and this is another case where I threw two guys with good brawl stats at each other and imagined it as a squash but actually it ended up being a solid match.

Archer puts Luther down with the EBD Claw to win his return match after a few months on the shelf. Eddie Kingston on commentary runs Archer down, and builds up their clash for next week on Dynamite. ***, 73% overall


Segment 3:

We hear a commotion outside of SCU's locker room. Tully Blanchard leads out FTR and Shawn Spears, all of whom have smug looks on their faces. The cameras go inside and we see Christopher Daniels down along with fellow SCU member Scorpio Sky. Daniels was supposed to team with Frankie Kazarian tonight for #1 contendership - bah gawd how could this happen! 69% overall...nice


Segment 4:

6-man tag goodness to continue the Hardy/Page angle that is winding down to a conclusion. Matt Hardy and Private Party vs. Hangman Page, Alex Reynolds, and John Silver. Another good match as many of these guys gel with one another. Chaos ensues as always and Matt grabs a win via cheap pin on Reynolds. ***, 73% overall


Segment 5:

Hardy Party beat down the three Dark Order members in the ring. Matt proclaims that the rest of Dark Order won't be coming out to save them tonight as he paid off a venue worker to block their locker room...it pays to have money! Muahaha. Remember how you allowed me to pick the rules for our Double or Nothing match? I know you were worried about fine print, but fear no longer. The winner takes all, no matter how they win. No underhanded tactics, no easy way out, a perfectly fair fight between the two of us. And I have procured a very special guest referee to ensure it! 82% overall


Segment 6:

Dr. Britt Baker DMD in action tonight against Serena Deeb. Worst match of the night so far, but very much still in the realm of perfectly acceptable wrestling. Baker gets the cheap victory. Afterwards, she instructs Reba to hand her some...shears? Why does dentist need shears? She looks like she's going to take off some of Serena's hair just as Kong did to her two weeks ago.

Awesome Kong could see no more of the gimmick infringement as she makes her way out to the ring. Baker and Reba stare down Kong, Baker shoves Reba at Kong and Reba takes a Samoan drop like a trooper while Baker hightails it again. **1/2, 70% overall


Segment 7:

Kenny Omega and Don Callis interview promo to talk up Kenny's triple threat title defense on Saturday. No matter how much AEW tries to stack the odds up against the best wrestler in the world, the result will be the same: Kenny will be right back on top of the mountain by this time next week. 83% overall


Segment 8:

Tag match intersecting two feuds that are also reaching a conclusion on Saturday as Orange Cassidy and TNT Champion Darby Allin face off against Miro and Brian Cage. A cage match and a street fight happening the same night on Saturday - what is this, Extreme Rules? I imagine the faces came across as great underdogs in this one since they have a clear and distinct size disadvantage working against them.

Darby eventually makes the hot tag to Orange Cassidy, who comes in like a house of fire as the crowd goes wild. Miro is reeling outside the ring, OC sets up for a Superman Punch outside the ring...he charges, MIRO SMACKS HIM WITH THE RING BELL! The ref calls for the bell, which doesn't ring because it's embedded into OC's skull.

Chuck Taylor tries to help but it's all for naught as OC, Darby, and Chuck are beaten down by Miro, Kip, and Team Taz. The heels standing tall and getting the momentum going into Saturday. This ruled. ****, 86% overall


Segment 9:

FTR make their way to the ring to win their match and rightful earned #1 contendership by forfeit...Frankie Kazarian says not so fast and makes his way out to the ring solo. He had a chat with Tony Khan and he agreed the #1 contendership can't end this way. Since neither Daniels nor Sky can compete tonight, let's change it up and make it a 6-man tag. FTR and Shawn Spears vs. Frankie Kazarian and...The Young Bucks!

The heel team was not happy with that at all as the faces charge the ring like a house of fire. This ended up being my second good trios match of the night, Bucks showing character willing to fight alongside Kazarian knowing that he'd be getting screwed out of a shot at their belts.

Bucks and FTR are brawling outside the ring. Tully Blanchard gets on the apron and starts to undo a turnbuckle pad only for a hobbled Christopher Daniels to pull Tully off the apron! Spears is caught off guard, Wave of the Future! Kazarian wins and he and Daniels retain their #1 contendership! The heel team is pissed off as SCU and the Bucks exchange a handshake ahead of their match Saturday. ***1/4, 82% overall


Segment 10:

Jon Moxley and PAC are talking, acknowledging they've had fun teaming up the past couple of months but that's all gotta end Saturday. Kenny Omega and Karl Anderson enter both sides of the room much as Mox and PAC did last week. Mox and PAC both pick up chairs and dare the heels to come on in...they back into each other and immediately turn around out of instinct, they nearly clock each other with the chairs as the heels rush out of there snickering over causing tension among the faces. 89% overall


Segment 11:

Cody Rhodes vs. Sammy Guevara in a rematch of what was the first ever match on Dynamite. During the match it is confirmed that Sting's Career Threatening Match on Saturday has been upgraded to a tag team bout: Sting and Cody vs. MJF and Sammy. Cody wants to drive MJF out of Inner Circle and could not stand to see the Stinger go it alone against the devious Inner Circle. Plus I'm sure this decision has nothing to do with the fact that a 62-year old Sting should not be working a singles match and Cody can shoulder the workload and play a convincing Ricky Morton.

It's a solid match to close out the show, with a red hot crowd to boot. We get our second "heel fuck up interference" finish in as many matches as MJF climbs on the apron to distract Cody only for Sting to come OUTTA NOWHERE with a baseball bat shot to the back, MJF is down, Sammy is concerned and Cody capitalizes with the Cross Rhodes.

Much like at the start of the show, Inner Circle are held at bay with with threat of Sting's bat. The faces stand tall to end the show. ***, 85% overall

79% overall show rating

---

Crossroads Card:

-AEW World Championship: "The Bastard" PAC vs. Jon Moxley vs. "The Cleaner" Kenny Omega (C)

-AEW TNT Championship Street Fight: "The Machine" Brian Cage vs. Darby Allin (C)

-AEW World Tag Team Championship: SCU (Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian) vs. The Young Bucks (C)

-AEW Women's World Championship: Dr. Britt Baker DMD vs. Awesome Kong (C)

-Luchas de Apuestas Tag Match: Sting and "The American Nightmare" Cody Rhodes vs. Maxwell Jacob Friedman and "The Spanish God" Sammy Guevara

-Steel Cage Match: "Freshly Squeezed" Orange Cassidy vs. "The Best Man" Miro

-Double or Nothing Special Guest Referee Match: "Big Money" Matt Hardy vs. "Hangman" Adam Page

[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito Tonight's results are sponsored by Reba (Britt Baker's manager, went by Rebel in TNA which produced this gem):

You know, I was going to say something about not being able to see her face but for some reason or two I lost my train of thought....

AEW Dark: April 20, 2021: -The Butcher and The Blade def. QT Marshall and Billy -Serena Deeb def. Mel -Matt Sydal def. Serpentico -Dr. Britt Baker def. Yuka Sakazaki -Matt Hardy def. Evil Uno

Butcher and Blade is such a sweet name. I bet they throw wicked chops.

AEW Dynamite: April 21, 2021 Segment 1: MJF opened up the show in the ring, surprisingly all by his lonesome, and he immediately started to shit talk Sting again. The old fool has agreed to fight me at Crossroads, but why wait til Saturday? Bring your old ass out here now, unless you're afraid of getting schooled by a guy 30 years your junior. After no answer, MJF needles him further by raising the stakes. "I know you liked to make a name for yourself taking down top factions...so how's this for a wager? Remember how our former "boss" of the Inner Circle threatened to break up the group and couldn't back it up? If you win, I will leave the Inner Circle just as soon as I entered it. But if you lose, you're done. No more wrestling, no more AEW, a distant memory like the charred ashes of WCW. If you're gonna take this deal, come face me one on one, you coward!" Lights go out and when they come back on, in my best Tony Schiavone voice, it's Stiiiiiiing! He nods at MJF to accept the challenge, points the bat right to his throat. And then, in a sign that he's ready for a fair fight, drops the bat. MJF just laughs "wow, all these years later, you are way too trusting".....and Sting is soon jumped by Sammy Guevara! Massive heel heat and the two put the boots to Sting before Sammy's opponent tonight, Cody Rhodes, emerges from the back to run the two of them off! The rest of Inner Circle make their way out but think better of intervening when Sting retrieves his bat again. 82% overall

LOL, Sting's reputation for being a dumb babyface still persists after all of these years. Sadly we inch closer and closer to the inevitable.

Segment 2: Lance Archer makes his in-ring return against 33 year ring veteran and former Japanese deathmatch legend Luther. Luther is ancient and probably another guy the game will retire once his birthday comes, so he's just here to put over others and this is another case where I threw two guys with good brawl stats at each other and imagined it as a squash but actually it ended up being a solid match. Archer puts Luther down with the EBD Claw to win his return match after a few months on the shelf. Eddie Kingston on commentary runs Archer down, and builds up their clash for next week on Dynamite. ***, 73% overall

I wish the game had the option to select a squash for a given match that way it's reflected in the match report. Of course, I would have abused it to no end by having Chris Jericho go over HHH for weeks on end in that fashion.

Segment 3: We hear a commotion outside of SCU's locker room. Tully Blanchard leads out FTR and Shawn Spears, all of whom have smug looks on their faces. The cameras go inside and we see Christopher Daniels down along with fellow SCU member Scorpio Sky. Daniels was supposed to team with Frankie Kazarian tonight for #1 contendership - bah gawd how could this happen! 69% overall...nice

Yeah, getting less than a 70% is painful. As long as no one loses any over points, that's a small comfort I suppose.

Segment 4: 6-man tag goodness to continue the Hardy/Page angle that is winding down to a conclusion. Matt Hardy and Private Party vs. Hangman Page, Alex Reynolds, and John Silver. Another good match as many of these guys gel with one another. Chaos ensues as always and Matt grabs a win via cheap pin on Reynolds. ***, 73% overall

See, something like this is just begging for a gimmick match but the game is hella restrictive on what you can do with 6-man tags. At least let us do hardcore or even elimination.

Segment 5: Hardy Party beat down the three Dark Order members in the ring. Matt proclaims that the rest of Dark Order won't be coming out to save them tonight as he paid off a venue worker to block their locker room...it pays to have money! Muahaha. Remember how you allowed me to pick the rules for our Double or Nothing match? I know you were worried about fine print, but fear no longer. The winner takes all, no matter how they win. No underhanded tactics, no easy way out, a perfectly fair fight between the two of us. And I have procured a very special guest referee to ensure it! 82% overall

If the guest referee isn't Mike Rotunda I'll be severely disappointed.

Segment 6: Dr. Britt Baker DMD in action tonight against Serena Deeb. Worst match of the night so far, but very much still in the realm of perfectly acceptable wrestling. Baker gets the cheap victory. Afterwards, she instructs Reba to hand her some...shears? Why does dentist need shears? She looks like she's going to take off some of Serena's hair just as Kong did to her two weeks ago. Awesome Kong could see no more of the gimmick infringement as she makes her way out to the ring. Baker and Reba stare down Kong, Baker shoves Reba at Kong and Reba takes a Samoan drop like a trooper while Baker hightails it again. **1/2, 70% overall

LOL, again I love it when a heel just abandons/sacrifices their stooge to save their ass. Under the circumstances presented here there was really no other option.

Segment 7: Kenny Omega and Don Callis interview promo to talk up Kenny's triple threat title defense on Saturday. No matter how much AEW tries to stack the odds up against the best wrestler in the world, the result will be the same: Kenny will be right back on top of the mountain by this time next week. 83% overall

To think this is a step up for Callis after having to put over fucking Kurrgan.

Segment 8: Darby eventually makes the hot tag to Orange Cassidy, who comes in like a house of fire as the crowd goes wild. Miro is reeling outside the ring, OC sets up for a Superman Punch outside the ring...he charges, MIRO SMACKS HIM WITH THE RING BELL! The ref calls for the bell, which doesn't ring because it's embedded into OC's skull. ****, 86% overall

OK, that's fucking hilarious. The cherry on top would've been Miro grabbing the hammer and ringing it himself after the ref called for the DQ.

Segment 9: FTR make their way to the ring to win their match and rightful earned #1 contendership by forfeit...Frankie Kazarian says not so fast and makes his way out to the ring solo. He had a chat with Tony Khan and he agreed the #1 contendership can't end this way. Since neither Daniels nor Sky can compete tonight, let's change it up and make it a 6-man tag. FTR and Shawn Spears vs. Frankie Kazarian and...The Young Bucks! The heel team was not happy with that at all as the faces charge the ring like a house of fire. This ended up being my second good trios match of the night, Bucks showing character willing to fight alongside Kazarian knowing that he'd be getting screwed out of a shot at their belts. Bucks and FTR are brawling outside the ring. Tully Blanchard gets on the apron and starts to undo a turnbuckle pad only for a hobbled Christopher Daniels to pull Tully off the apron! Spears is caught off guard, Wave of the Future! Kazarian wins and he and Daniels retain their #1 contendership! The heel team is pissed off as SCU and the Bucks exchange a handshake ahead of their match Saturday. ***1/4, 82% overall

That's some smart booking to get around the limitations of Daniels. I especially applaud the restraint shown in not going all WWE and just doing a handicap match.

Segment 10: Jon Moxley and PAC are talking, acknowledging they've had fun teaming up the past couple of months but that's all gotta end Saturday. Kenny Omega and Karl Anderson enter both sides of the room much as Mox and PAC did last week. Mox and PAC both pick up chairs and dare the heels to come on in...they back into each other and immediately turn around out of instinct, they nearly clock each other with the chairs as the heels rush out of there snickering over causing tension among the faces. 89% overall

After his crazy character work in the WWE as Ambrose, I can absolutely picture Moxley being freakishly paranoid here in this segment.

Segment 11: Cody Rhodes vs. Sammy Guevara in a rematch of what was the first ever match on Dynamite. During the match it is confirmed that Sting's Career Threatening Match on Saturday has been upgraded to a tag team bout: Sting and Cody vs. MJF and Sammy. Cody wants to drive MJF out of Inner Circle and could not stand to see the Stinger go it alone against the devious Inner Circle. Plus I'm sure this decision has nothing to do with the fact that a 62-year old Sting should not be working a singles match and Cody can shoulder the workload and play a convincing Ricky Morton. It's a solid match to close out the show, with a red hot crowd to boot. We get our second "heel fuck up interference" finish in as many matches as MJF climbs on the apron to distract Cody only for Sting to come OUTTA NOWHERE with a baseball bat shot to the back, MJF is down, Sammy is concerned and Cody capitalizes with the Cross Rhodes. Much like at the start of the show, Inner Circle are held at bay with with threat of Sting's bat. The faces stand tall to end the show. ***, 85% overall 79% overall show rating

Everyone's firing on all cylinders here but it needed a crow or vulture or something to come down and peck at Guevara's body to really put it over the top. Bird lives matter!!!

I'm always agog at how rapidly you get around to the big shows but I've just been so used to 3 shows every God damn week on my game that it messes with my head. I await the next lovely wrestling goddess!

[M-A-G]

SmackDown!: June 29, 2040

It's the final show of the month and the King of the Ring Tournament kicks off tonight with not 1, not 2, not 3, not even 5, but FOUR first round matches. Shall we?

Opening Match: King of the Ring First Round - Azazel vs. Raymond Delaney
God, I really need to do more with Delaney. He's talented as fuck and has charisma. I need to start planning some feuds and who to phase out to make some room for newer guys. Now watch as I immediately undercut that sentiment as I have Vivian Merrick run distraction on behalf of Azazel to allow him to hit Delaney with the Demonator to score the win and advance to the next round. ****1/2, 92% overall. <----SEE WHAT I MEAN???

Second Match: King of the Ring First Round - Martyn LaSalle vs. Randy Ellis
LaSalle's future opponent, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody observes from ringside. LaSalle every so often shoots the champion a glare as if to say "Stay right where the fuck you are, son!" This is a good little bout as Ellis isn't exactly a monster or anything but still enough to make LaSalle the underdog here. LaSalle is able to lock in the Martynizer after escaping an attempt from Ellis to hit Today's Lesson for the submission win. LaSalle points at Hotbody making a statement. *****, 95% overall.

Backstage, Paul Andrews is with his client Conner Buchanan and they are in a huff over Brandon Reigns and his actions. Buchanan points out how men like Jake Connelly and Paul Andrews are respected veterans for a reason. Reigns may think that it was pathetic for a bunch of guys to fight over a chance at something like King of the Ring but that's what separates Reigns from someone like Buchanan: the willingness to fight and not be complacent.

Backstage, Jenna Kyle is prepping for a photoshoot when Nathan Quinn creeps up behind her. Quinn muses how nice it must be for Jenna to be surrounded by so much glitz and glamour. Is this why she turned down his offer to take her under his wing? She could've had all that and even more but she just had to be a stubborn idiot about things. Jenna asks if there's anything he actually needs because she has a good mind to slap the taste of his mouth right now. Well since Jenna asks, Quinn is actually quite open to showing her what she shot down by offering a match against Leah on Raw. Jenna accepts and tells him to beat it. Quinn warns that this shoot might be her last one for a while if Leah has her way.

Third Match: The British Infection vs. The Millennium Rebels
I should bring this feud to some sort of close, too. This is just tag team goodness all around and in a bit of a reversal, the Brits' manager Fanatasee runs interference getting Sammy Brady all hot and bothered. He falls prey to the Brits' double team and unfortunately takes the pinfall loss. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Backstage, the Play Pals are in the mood to show the Royal Effect what for. The Play Pals may act the fools at times and maybe even dabble in the ludicrous but they take becoming champions seriously and won't let anyone just get away with it if they get screwed. The Royal Effect are just royal pains in the ass that are going to regret what they did.

Fourth Match: King of the Ring First Round - Shawn Dangerson vs. Chris Collins
Man, I've done nothing with Collins these last few weeks. Let's remedy that, shall we? Dangerson is game here tonight as this is quite the opportunity presented to him. He may be too much game as Collins has to resort to the old missing turnbuckle trick to score a cheap win and advance to the second round. ****1/2, 93% overall.

Backstage, we catch up with Michael Hotbody who is trying to leave the building. He's asked if he was impressed with what he saw tonight from Martyn LaSalle. "Impressed? Did he become King of the Ring already? Did he win the Unified World Title? Has he beaten me and taken my Cruiserweight Championship? What's there to be impressed about? That's like asking a woman if she's impressed with a guy after the first moan she makes. Remember, Zed Jones is in this tournament, too! He'll show all of you 'impressive'!"

Fifth Match: Tania vs. Emma Edwards
Billie Padgett is at ringside as she has Emma's back. This is mainly a means to continue the feud between Tania and Padgett. Padgett accidentally nails Emma with a clothesline intended for Tania and that leads to Tania hitting the Nose Dive for the pin. The heels show their support by laying her out afterward. *****, 96% overall.

Sixth Match: King of the Ring First Round - Alexander Piero vs. Orlando Kincaid
Continuing this little bit of drama in one hell of a contest. Piero may be something in the future if he keeps his head on straight. The end comes when Piero is able to beat the count back in and he advances to the second round as Kincaid throws a fit on the outside. ****1/2, 92% overall.

MAIN EVENT: Noah Carmichael and Kerry Cemenko vs. Quentin McDaniels and WWE Unified World Champion Butch Fleming
The heels just can't get on the same page here at all as they keep blind tagging each other in an attempt to alpha male the other. The end comes after a "Katy, bar the door" scenario and Fleming baits Carmichael into using one of the championship belts but Carmichael hits McDaniels accidentally when Fleming moves out of the way for the DQ. We get a brawl to close the show. *****, 95% overall.

Overall show rating: 93%

[Evil Vito]

Originally Posted by M-A-G Opening Match: King of the Ring First Round - Azazel vs. Raymond Delaney God, I really need to do more with Delaney. He's talented as fuck and has charisma. I need to start planning some feuds and who to phase out to make some room for newer guys. Now watch as I immediately undercut that sentiment as I have Vivian Merrick run distraction on behalf of Azazel to allow him to hit Delaney with the Demonator to score the win and advance to the next round. ****1/2, 92% overall. <----SEE WHAT I MEAN???

see when your roster is as loaded as it is, everyone is super talented, so deciding who to phase out is no easy task. You can always use the "convert to manager" exploit as a means of writing people out of TV for a while and not kill their morale in the process.

Second Match: King of the Ring First Round - Martyn LaSalle vs. Randy Ellis LaSalle's future opponent, the Cruiserweight Champion Michael Hotbody observes from ringside. LaSalle every so often shoots the champion a glare as if to say "Stay right where the fuck you are, son!" This is a good little bout as Ellis isn't exactly a monster or anything but still enough to make LaSalle the underdog here. LaSalle is able to lock in the Martynizer after escaping an attempt from Ellis to hit Today's Lesson for the submission win. LaSalle points at Hotbody making a statement. *****, 95% overall.

The first of many 5 star matches in the KOTR, a crusierweight advancing in KOTR? What is this? This is allowed???

Backstage, Jenna Kyle is prepping for a photoshoot when Nathan Quinn creeps up behind her. Quinn muses how nice it must be for Jenna to be surrounded by so much glitz and glamour. Is this why she turned down his offer to take her under his wing? She could've had all that and even more but she just had to be a stubborn idiot about things. Jenna asks if there's anything he actually needs because she has a good mind to slap the taste of his mouth right now. Well since Jenna asks, Quinn is actually quite open to showing her what she shot down by offering a match against Leah on Raw. Jenna accepts and tells him to beat it. Quinn warns that this shoot might be her last one for a while if Leah has her way.

I suspect that match will bring the snowflakes. JUST A HUNCH. Jenna Kyle = ratings and erections

Fourth Match: King of the Ring First Round - Shawn Dangerson vs. Chris Collins Man, I've done nothing with Collins these last few weeks. Let's remedy that, shall we? Dangerson is game here tonight as this is quite the opportunity presented to him. He may be too much game as Collins has to resort to the old missing turnbuckle trick to score a cheap win and advance to the second round. ****1/2, 93% overall.

Dammit, for the NCAA Tourney I always do a real bracket and a Bizarro World bracket. I'd have had Dangerson make a deep run in the Bizarro World bracket just for his awesome name.

Fifth Match: Tania vs. Emma Edwards Billie Padgett is at ringside as she has Emma's back. This is mainly a means to continue the feud between Tania and Padgett. Padgett accidentally nails Emma with a clothesline intended for Tania and that leads to Tania hitting the Nose Dive for the pin. The heels show their support by laying her out afterward. *****, 96% overall.

Emma is another name where I automatically assume hotness. Can't imagine why.

MAIN EVENT: Noah Carmichael and Kerry Cemenko vs. Quentin McDaniels and WWE Unified World Champion Butch Fleming The heels just can't get on the same page here at all as they keep blind tagging each other in an attempt to alpha male the other. The end comes after a "Katy, bar the door" scenario and Fleming baits Carmichael into using one of the championship belts but Carmichael hits McDaniels accidentally when Fleming moves out of the way for the DQ. We get a brawl to close the show. *****, 95% overall.

Fleming and McDaniels continuing to be forced to team despite constantly agitating each other, I like the blind tags - it's a good way to paint the lack of cohesion.

[Evil Vito]

Originally Posted by M-A-G I'm always agog at how rapidly you get around to the big shows but I've just been so used to 3 shows every God damn week on my game that it messes with my head. I await the next lovely wrestling goddess!

It's throwing me off so much because this is not how AEW books. It's supposed to be a nice 3 month build between quarterly PPVs. Starting this game and immediately having Shad Khan demand monthly PPVs pretty much forced me to shift booking methodologies away from what you'd actually see, and with only one weekly TV it's hard for it to not feel rushed.

Since realism's kinda already being blown up, a second TV show is feeling like it's getting close to being a requirement. My roster is so big, and actual AEW booking of cycling talent in and out every other week doesn't work with the game's algorithms. I'm finding that even throwing guys just into promo segments to give them an appearance doesn't completely stop the morale drop, they want to actually work.

So I might have to send some promo tapes out soon. If I do get a second show my roster size would certainly allow for me to have a brand split and, in theory, I could align my schedule to do my 4 marquee PPVs and 8 brand-exclusive PPVs and the brand-exclusive PPVs would allow me 2 months of build between them. We'll see.

[M-A-G]

The thing with Martyn LaSalle is that I picture him in the same vein as guys like Eddie Guerrero and AJ Styles and Shawn Michaels where, yes, they're small and easily tossed around, it's not beyond the realm of possibility where they can hang with a larger opponent because of craftiness and mat work. I've had guys start out working the cruiserweight ranks and winning that belt but also moving on to become World Champion so LaSalle is someone I'm a fan off and will keep in the back of my mind as someone who I can easily move to the top when the time comes.

That being said, Shawn Dangerson is another dude who deserves more of a break. If I can't push him right now in a cruiserweight feud, maybe slapping him together with someone to work against a heel team might be enough for now. He needs a manager, though. I'm looking at you, Sophie Waters!!!

WWE's Emma was, is, and always will be a cuddly little wombat. My Emma is pretty much the opposite as she's a brute along with Billie Padgett. When they debuted, it was as a trio known as the Brooklyn Sisterhood, basically a bunch of street hoodlums and they went on a tear, having memorable encounters with probably my favorite collection of women workers, Riott, Sophie Waters, and even Lisa Benton back when she was an active competitor. I wish I had been around the forums around that time to post all of their lovely goodness because their work overshadowed a lot of what the men were doing. If I do a tag team title for the women, I'm glad to still have Emma and Billie to help prop it up.

[Evil Vito]

AEW Crossroads
April 24, 2021

No logo for this made up AEW large event, but with the Crossroads/Cross Rhodes connection let's just throw a pic of Brandi Rhodes in here.




The Buy In: The Butcher and The Blade vs. Lance Archer and Dustin Rhodes

This match was basically meant to be a teaser for the Kingston/Archer match coming up on Dynamite, as Kingston's heavies The Butcher and The Blade face off against Archer, who picked Dustin as his partner for this match due to Cody's recent feud with Kingston.

Kingston gets up from commentary and interjects himself in the match, goading Archer into chasing him up the ramp leaving poor Dustin alone. B&B hit him with The Full Death for the win.
Winner: The Butcher and The Blade
***, 75% overall


AEW Women's World Championship: Dr. Britt Baker DMD vs. Awesome Kong (C)

I was thinking I would have to turn this into a multi-woman match because heel vs. heel matches tend to get penalized in EWR, only to then realize Kong is actually set up as a tweener which is kinda more fitting for her character anyway. She has a sadistic side but will fuck up anybody.

Baker tried to chickenshit her way out of this in as many different ways as possible. Cheap shots, using Reba for distractions, etc. but nothing was throwing Kong off her game. Once Kong grabbed Baker by the hair and Baker sold the terror, it was all over. Baker takes a beating and an Awesome Bomb finishes it. Baker is the latest wrestler to get scalped by Kong's shears afterwards.
Winner and STILL AEW Women's World champion: Awesome Kong
**3/4, 76% overall


AEW World Tag Team Championship: SCU (Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian) vs. The Young Bucks (C)

The teams showed mutual respect with one another with a handshake at the start of the proceedings, but those plesantries went out the window as soon as the bell rang. These teams threw everything but the kitchen sink at each other and it shows with the match rating. I did not advertise this as Daniels' final match, especially on a show with a retiring Sting who I can't ever use again....and with ratings like this I think I can see why I still would love to find ways to keep him in an angle to justify him wrestling.

Four super talented dudes, two of whom are at main event level overness and the other two in the 80s, AND the X factor of both teams having high experience ratings, yeesh this ruled. After a dramatic contest, Daniels connects with the Angel's Wings on Nick Jackson. Not convinced that would be enough to end it, Daniels goes up top for the Best Moonsault Ever. Big mistake, Nick gets his knees up! Nick gets him with the roll up and the Bucks retain!

After the bell, the crowd applauds all four men. Kazarian looks really deflated on the outside. After the Bucks leave, a Kazarian gets into the ring and shoves down Daniels in frustration! He immediately gets a look of regret but doesn't help Daniels up, leaving in a huff instead.
Winners and STILL AEW World Tag Team champions: The Young Bucks
*****, 96% overall (100% quality)


[B]It's time for our Double or Nothing match with a whole lot of money at stake. "Big Money" Matt Hardy is out first. He reminds everybody that he was allowed to pick the stipulation. He wanted to ensure a fair fight for all, and he found the perfect referee for the job. An intensely focused referee. A man with the integrity to call things right down the middle. A man intelligent enough to know the rulebook front and back.

Ladies and gentleman, my longtime dear personal friend......KURT ANGLE!!!

The crowd marks out, what is Kurt Angle doing here in AEW??? Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring in his AEW referee shirt and soaks in the adoration from the crowd.
86% overall


Double or Nothing Match w/ Special Guest Referee Kurt Angle: "Big Money" Matt Hardy vs. "Hangman" Adam Page

Matt Hardy has possibly his best match in AEW, these two gelled even better than the last big show and between the extra crowd support culminating the feud and the dynamics of a special guest referee, the crowd ate it up.

A fired up Hangman wails on Matt so much at the beginning Angle has to try to break them up, which doesn't go over with the crowd. Matt throws Hangman into the steps at ringside, trying to goad The Dark Order into something. Dark Order look like they're about to lose their cool and jump Matt which prompts Angle to eject them to heel heat.

Unfortunately for Matt, who assumed he had the referee in his pocket Angle would go on to prove his 3 I's true by eventually ejecting Private Party as well, and not ignore Matt's attempts to cheat. Ie: hand on the ropes in a roll up, Angle kicks Matt's arm loose.

Matt eventually loses it, screaming at Angle. I invited you to AEW and this is how you treat me? Matt shoves Angle, drawing an ooooh from the crowd. Angle asks "did you just shove an official?" and teases that he's gonna DQ Matt, turning him into a crybaby bitch begging for forgiveness. All this happens while Matt is unaware Hangman is waiting on the apron. Turn around, Buckshot Lariat, 3 count, HANGMAN WINS THE MONEY!!!!!

Hangman celebrates his new fortune. Beer is on him tonight and for the forseeable future. Matt eventually recovers fuming, and now he's really getting physical with Angle. Angle looks to the crowd, match is over now so no need to play by the rules any more. Angle Slam and Angle Lock to Matt for old time's sake.
Winner: "Hangman" Adam Page
****, 89% overall


AEW TNT Championship - Street Fight: "The Machine" Brian Cage vs. Darby Allin (C)
Darby is fully prepared to use weapons to take on Team Taz all on his own but Brian Cage, in a surprising move, tells Team Taz to stay back so they can go it alone. They had a street fight at Revolution in a tag team scenario, but now it's one on one, no more bullshit to settle the score once and for all.

I imagine this match was bowling shoe ugly in the best possible way, because it was an incredible, violent brawl and like most other things tonight the crowd ate it way the hell up. Darby is one of the wrestlers on the roster who hardly needs to be talked into taking a sick bump. Brian Cage's finisher the Drill Claw is a vertical suplex piledriver hybrid. You know what that means? DRILL CLAW FROM THE TOP ROPE THROUGH A TABLE!!!!! The FTW Champion Cage backs it up on his own to bring more gold to Team Taz. Who can stop the path of Cage?

Winner and NEW TNT Champion: "The Machine" Brian Cage
****1/2, 92% overall


Steel Cage Match: "The Best Man" Miro vs. "Freshly Squeezed" Orange Cassidy

Another long running feud comes to an end in this one and hot damn do they have a tough act to follow. If they weren't both nice and over it might've been seen as a let down compared to the previous match. But it worked!

Only way to win this match is to escape the cage, because fuck pins and submissions in a cage match. Orange tried to keep Miro off balance as much as possible, but in a cage environment, Miro definitely grabbed the momentum and seemed to turn it into a torture chamber. Orange threw his body at Miro and Miro used him as a battering ram in equal measure. The announcers bemoaned that Miro could end it and now he's just wanting to make Orange suffer.

He picks up Orange in a Spinebuster formation...charges towards the cage and OH SHIT, it breaks! Orange is essentially Speared through the cage, but as he hit the ground first, he is declared the winner! Miro absolutely snaps at the decision starts tearing off a part of the cage and, attacking referees Rick Knox and Bryce Remsburg.
Winner: Orange Cassidy
***, 84% overall


Career Threatening Match: The Inner Circle (Maxwell Jacob Friedman and "The Spanish God" Sammy Guevara) vs. Sting and "The American Nightmare" Cody Rhodes

I have no idea how Sting would've fared in a regular singles match, my suggestion is not well since his highest stat is a low 60s brawl. But between the other great workers in this and everybody being mega over, this match got to be all about the storytelling.

I think everybody knows Sting is retiring, so you give them a heaping helping of hope spots and false finishes all along the way. Inner Circle try to interfere at one point and Sting/Cody fight them off like it was WCW and they were the nWo. Everyone gets nostalgic.

Cody and MJF are legal in the ring. Sting and Sammy fighting outside. Sammy ends up having a madball that Santana and Ortiz slipped him when they interfered earlier, he clocks Sting with it and the referee doesn't see it because it's on the outside. Cody sees it, runs to the side of the ring to check on Sting's safety, only for MJF to roll Cody up with an illegal tight hook for the win. WHAT????

Everybody knew Sting would have to lose, but Cody eating a sudden flash pin was a subversion of expectations. Inner Circle laugh their asses off and hightail it out of there while Cody looks shocked and absolutely devastated at what just happened....did he just force one of his rivals to retire???
Winners: Maxwell Jacob Friedman and Sammy Guevara
***, 86% overall


Main Event - AEW World Championship: "The Bastard" PAC vs. Jon Moxley vs. "The Cleaner" Kenny Omega (C)

Kenny begs off early on and tries to get one of the other guys to team with him to take out the opposition, as if he hasn't been a prick for months. The crowd get the satisfaction of seeing Kenny get his ass whooped by the faces for a while before they inevitably have to turn on each other.

Some pretty standard triple threat drama in here with the close pinn breakups. Kenny has some tricks up his sleeve but they don't seem to work, Callis calls out Karl Anderson to run interference and the faces kick his ass. No dice. Faces suplex Kenny through the announce table.

Faces go at it in the ring again. If the Drill Claw from the top rope looked like a sick bump before....what about Mox hitting a Paradigm Shift from the top? Holy shitballs that looked nasty. 1...2...Mox is pulled out of the ring by.........MIRO?????

What the hell is this! Miro still looks enraged from his loss an hour or so ago, and he apparently wants to take it out on more people. He beats the shit out of Mox who barely has anything left in the tank as is and is just throwing punches out of instinct. They brawl up the ramp. Meanwhile in the ring, Omega has slowly recovered and he drags himself over to the nearly dead PAC in the ring to get the pin and the victory.

Winner and STILL AEW World Champion: Kenny Omega
****, 89% overall
---

87% Overall Show Rating

Well, this fucking ruled. Scott Keith gives it two thumbs and his cock up.

[M-A-G]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito AEW Crossroads April 24, 2021 No logo for this made up AEW large event, but with the Crossroads/Cross Rhodes connection let's just throw a pic of Brandi Rhodes in here.

Cody, you dog...

The Buy In: The Butcher and The Blade vs. Lance Archer and Dustin Rhodes This match was basically meant to be a teaser for the Kingston/Archer match coming up on Dynamite, as Kingston's heavies The Butcher and The Blade face off against Archer, who picked Dustin as his partner for this match due to Cody's recent feud with Kingston. Kingston gets up from commentary and interjects himself in the match, goading Archer into chasing him up the ramp leaving poor Dustin alone. B&B hit him with The Full Death for the win. Winner: The Butcher and The Blade ***, 75% overall

I'd have gone with The Premium Cut or The Grade A for their finisher name.

AEW Women's World Championship: Dr. Britt Baker DMD vs. Awesome Kong (C) I was thinking I would have to turn this into a multi-woman match because heel vs. heel matches tend to get penalized in EWR, only to then realize Kong is actually set up as a tweener which is kinda more fitting for her character anyway. She has a sadistic side but will fuck up anybody. Baker tried to chickenshit her way out of this in as many different ways as possible. Cheap shots, using Reba for distractions, etc. but nothing was throwing Kong off her game. Once Kong grabbed Baker by the hair and Baker sold the terror, it was all over. Baker takes a beating and an Awesome Bomb finishes it. Baker is the latest wrestler to get scalped by Kong's shears afterwards. Winner and STILL AEW Women's World champion: Awesome Kong **3/4, 76% overall

It was cute of Baker to try. Trophies for participation!

AEW World Tag Team Championship: SCU (Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian) vs. The Young Bucks (C) The teams showed mutual respect with one another with a handshake at the start of the proceedings, but those plesantries went out the window as soon as the bell rang. These teams threw everything but the kitchen sink at each other and it shows with the match rating. I did not advertise this as Daniels' final match, especially on a show with a retiring Sting who I can't ever use again....and with ratings like this I think I can see why I still would love to find ways to keep him in an angle to justify him wrestling. Four super talented dudes, two of whom are at main event level overness and the other two in the 80s, AND the X factor of both teams having high experience ratings, yeesh this ruled. After a dramatic contest, Daniels connects with the Angel's Wings on Nick Jackson. Not convinced that would be enough to end it, Daniels goes up top for the Best Moonsault Ever. Big mistake, Nick gets his knees up! Nick gets him with the roll up and the Bucks retain! After the bell, the crowd applauds all four men. Kazarian looks really deflated on the outside. After the Bucks leave, a Kazarian gets into the ring and shoves down Daniels in frustration! He immediately gets a look of regret but doesn't help Daniels up, leaving in a huff instead. Winners and STILL AEW World Tag Team champions: The Young Bucks *****, 96% overall (100% quality)

THE SNOWFLAKES ARE REAL!!! I'm guessing we're going to draw out the farewell for Daniels? It'd be something if Kazarian decides to retire, too.

[B]It's time for our Double or Nothing match with a whole lot of money at stake. "Big Money" Matt Hardy is out first. He reminds everybody that he was allowed to pick the stipulation. He wanted to ensure a fair fight for all, and he found the perfect referee for the job. An intensely focused referee. A man with the integrity to call things right down the middle. A man intelligent enough to know the rulebook front and back. Ladies and gentleman, my longtime dear personal friend......KURT ANGLE!!! The crowd marks out, what is Kurt Angle doing here in AEW??? Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring in his AEW referee shirt and soaks in the adoration from the crowd. 86% overall

Angle and Hardy friends? Man, I bet they've got some crazy drug-induced stories to swap. Not to mention being cucked.

Double or Nothing Match w/ Special Guest Referee Kurt Angle: "Big Money" Matt Hardy vs. "Hangman" Adam Page Matt Hardy has possibly his best match in AEW, these two gelled even better than the last big show and between the extra crowd support culminating the feud and the dynamics of a special guest referee, the crowd ate it up. A fired up Hangman wails on Matt so much at the beginning Angle has to try to break them up, which doesn't go over with the crowd. Matt throws Hangman into the steps at ringside, trying to goad The Dark Order into something. Dark Order look like they're about to lose their cool and jump Matt which prompts Angle to eject them to heel heat. Unfortunately for Matt, who assumed he had the referee in his pocket Angle would go on to prove his 3 I's true by eventually ejecting Private Party as well, and not ignore Matt's attempts to cheat. Ie: hand on the ropes in a roll up, Angle kicks Matt's arm loose. Matt eventually loses it, screaming at Angle. I invited you to AEW and this is how you treat me? Matt shoves Angle, drawing an ooooh from the crowd. Angle asks "did you just shove an official?" and teases that he's gonna DQ Matt, turning him into a crybaby bitch begging for forgiveness. All this happens while Matt is unaware Hangman is waiting on the apron. Turn around, Buckshot Lariat, 3 count, HANGMAN WINS THE MONEY!!!!! Hangman celebrates his new fortune. Beer is on him tonight and for the forseeable future. Matt eventually recovers fuming, and now he's really getting physical with Angle. Angle looks to the crowd, match is over now so no need to play by the rules any more. Angle Slam and Angle Lock to Matt for old time's sake. Winner: "Hangman" Adam Page ****, 89% overall

I mean that's a fun end and all but how much more fun (and lawsuit-inducing) would it have been if Mike Rotunda showed up in a white shirt and suspenders and demanded from Page immediate payment on his taxes?

AEW TNT Championship - Street Fight: "The Machine" Brian Cage vs. Darby Allin (C) Darby is fully prepared to use weapons to take on Team Taz all on his own but Brian Cage, in a surprising move, tells Team Taz to stay back so they can go it alone. They had a street fight at Revolution in a tag team scenario, but now it's one on one, no more bullshit to settle the score once and for all. I imagine this match was bowling shoe ugly in the best possible way, because it was an incredible, violent brawl and like most other things tonight the crowd ate it way the hell up. Darby is one of the wrestlers on the roster who hardly needs to be talked into taking a sick bump. Brian Cage's finisher the Drill Claw is a vertical suplex piledriver hybrid. You know what that means? DRILL CLAW FROM THE TOP ROPE THROUGH A TABLE!!!!! The FTW Champion Cage backs it up on his own to bring more gold to Team Taz. Who can stop the path of Cage? Winner and NEW TNT Champion: "The Machine" Brian Cage ****1/2, 92% overall

THE SNOWFLAKES ARE STRONG WITH THIS SHOW! Doing the monthly big show isn't exactly hurting you in this regard.

Steel Cage Match: "The Best Man" Miro vs. "Freshly Squeezed" Orange Cassidy Another long running feud comes to an end in this one and hot damn do they have a tough act to follow. If they weren't both nice and over it might've been seen as a let down compared to the previous match. But it worked! Only way to win this match is to escape the cage, because fuck pins and submissions in a cage match. Orange tried to keep Miro off balance as much as possible, but in a cage environment, Miro definitely grabbed the momentum and seemed to turn it into a torture chamber. Orange threw his body at Miro and Miro used him as a battering ram in equal measure. The announcers bemoaned that Miro could end it and now he's just wanting to make Orange suffer. He picks up Orange in a Spinebuster formation...charges towards the cage and OH SHIT, it breaks! Orange is essentially Speared through the cage, but as he hit the ground first, he is declared the winner! Miro absolutely snaps at the decision starts tearing off a part of the cage and, attacking referees Rick Knox and Bryce Remsburg. Winner: Orange Cassidy ***, 84% overall

Never take cage match advice from Paul Wight, Miro.

Career Threatening Match: The Inner Circle (Maxwell Jacob Friedman and "The Spanish God" Sammy Guevara) vs. Sting and "The American Nightmare" Cody Rhodes I have no idea how Sting would've fared in a regular singles match, my suggestion is not well since his highest stat is a low 60s brawl. But between the other great workers in this and everybody being mega over, this match got to be all about the storytelling. I think everybody knows Sting is retiring, so you give them a heaping helping of hope spots and false finishes all along the way. Inner Circle try to interfere at one point and Sting/Cody fight them off like it was WCW and they were the nWo. Everyone gets nostalgic. Cody and MJF are legal in the ring. Sting and Sammy fighting outside. Sammy ends up having a madball that Santana and Ortiz slipped him when they interfered earlier, he clocks Sting with it and the referee doesn't see it because it's on the outside. Cody sees it, runs to the side of the ring to check on Sting's safety, only for MJF to roll Cody up with an illegal tight hook for the win. WHAT???? Everybody knew Sting would have to lose, but Cody eating a sudden flash pin was a subversion of expectations. Inner Circle laugh their asses off and hightail it out of there while Cody looks shocked and absolutely devastated at what just happened....did he just force one of his rivals to retire??? Winners: Maxwell Jacob Friedman and Sammy Guevara ***, 86% overall

That's a twist I didn't see coming. I'd have put money on Sting eating the pin. I'm guessing Cody is going to be getting some heat from some of the roster.

Main Event - AEW World Championship: "The Bastard" PAC vs. Jon Moxley vs. "The Cleaner" Kenny Omega (C) Kenny begs off early on and tries to get one of the other guys to team with him to take out the opposition, as if he hasn't been a prick for months. The crowd get the satisfaction of seeing Kenny get his ass whooped by the faces for a while before they inevitably have to turn on each other. Some pretty standard triple threat drama in here with the close pinn breakups. Kenny has some tricks up his sleeve but they don't seem to work, Callis calls out Karl Anderson to run interference and the faces kick his ass. No dice. Faces suplex Kenny through the announce table. Faces go at it in the ring again. If the Drill Claw from the top rope looked like a sick bump before....what about Mox hitting a Paradigm Shift from the top? Holy shitballs that looked nasty. 1...2...Mox is pulled out of the ring by.........MIRO????? What the hell is this! Miro still looks enraged from his loss an hour or so ago, and he apparently wants to take it out on more people. He beats the shit out of Mox who barely has anything left in the tank as is and is just throwing punches out of instinct. They brawl up the ramp. Meanwhile in the ring, Omega has slowly recovered and he drags himself over to the nearly dead PAC in the ring to get the pin and the victory. Winner and STILL AEW World Champion: Kenny Omega ****, 89% overall

Miro and Moxley should feud over who has the hotter blonde wife...a question I still ponder over to this day. I'd say it's even more important than the 4 stars this match racked up. Omega with a heroic effort there at the end.

If I'm tracking this right this was probably your best show. Everyone looks like they were on the good shit this night.

[Evil Vito]

Miro and Mox have both been e-mailing me for weeks asking for a match, so let's see if they can live up to all of this. Can't remember if they ever worked any sort of meaningful program in WWE. Well, it's WWE so meaningful probably isn't the right word anyway.

I was originally going to transition Daniels into my onscreen authority figure since he's charismatic enough to handle it and it can kinda play off the fact that he does have an office job with the company in real life. But he's still so talented I figure if there's any way I can extend his career I should take it, as opposed to the other old dudes on my roster I'll likely just cast aside if they became non-wrestlers.

But as I looked at free agency, I realized Kurt Angle was floating around. Very over and charismatic obviously, and with Sting leaving I felt like I could allocate the Sting money to a different legend. Angle will likely segue into the onscreen authority role shortly. His in-ring stats are better than Sting's which isn't a surprise but they're still not great. I saw his last match live at WM35 two years ago and the guy could barely move. So I'm happy to keep him a full blown non-wrestler.

[owenbunny]

Bad Bunny wrestling sim, former 24/7 champion

[M-A-G]

Raw: July 2, 2040

Opening Match: King of the Ring First Round - Seth Von Kamp vs. Jason Sorola
The tournament continues with one hell of an opener. Sorola makes it a point to claim that Seth should be thanking his lucky stars that he's even in the tournament in the first place seeing that he only managed to squeeze his way in because Brandon Reigns didn't want to participate. Well there's really only one natural response to something like that: have a kick ass match that sets the tone for the rest of the night. It's an even encounter despite the size difference. Ultimately, Von Kamp hits the Collapse of Society for the pin and advances to the second round. *****, 97% overall.

Second Match: King of the Ring First Round - Zed Jones vs. Cameron Harper
Michael Hotbody is seconding Jones here in support. Martyn LaSalle joins the commentary team to give his thoughts on his future opponent in Hotbody and on the tournament. LaSalle brings up that Zed Jones should be even more thankful than Seth Von Kamp because Seth actually went out and earned a spot in the King of the Ring whereas Jones was just handed this opportunity. Wanting the most out of life while the bare minimum seems to be a running theme in Hotbody's world, according to LaSalle. The match itself is hard-hitting at it's finest. Jones still wants to be a dick about things and uses a pipe slipped to him by Hotbody which goes unnoticed because the ref has to admonish him and LaSalle for having a verbal scuffle. Jones advances to the second round. ****1/2, 89% overall.

In-Ring Talky Time with the number one contender to the Unified World Title, Kerry Cemenko. He wonders if the people can help him out with something and whether or not they've noticed the same thing that he has in regards to Butch Fleming. "So for the past few years, Butch Fleming was a force to be reckoned with. He was dominating at all levels from the moment he set foot into the WWE. Hell, I was even a victim at certain points which is no small feat if I may say so myself. But then something happened last year. Fleming, had himself a bit of a boo-boo and had to take somewhat of a breather of sorts. A few months ago he made his "triumphant" return and then began a pattern that I didn't pick up on until last week. You see, all of the usual bravado was there coming out of Fleming's mouth. The man was filled with the venom and anger and hate that's been a staple of his career...only this time, he hasn't backed it up the same way he used to. Granted he came in full of piss and vinegar but remind me again, how did he win the Unified World Title? Oh, that's right, one of his former stooges had to trip over his own shoelaces leading to Fleming stealing it back at Judgment Day. And then just last week at Night of Champions, after taking a nap in a pile of a broken announce table, he slips inside the back door and picks the bones of someone else's handiwork and walks away. Then the next night, during my match, he decides to do little preemptive strike and get his licks in. All of this leads me to the conclusion that Fleming is a shell of his former self and he knows it. That time away from the WWE no doubt dulled a lot of his edge and that's why he's been getting by on tactics as desperate as the ones I just pointed out. Maybe, just maybe, he knows that things are different now and he's the odd man out. He knows that he's got himself a major threat on his hands when it comes to me challenging him for that title. Well, let me put you at ease, Fleming. I am a threat to that title and at King of the Ring I pull the bricks out of this façade of yours and use them to build a better tomorrow when I become the next WWE Unified World Champion!"

Naturally this brings out the Unified Champion himself looking quite amused. "Kerry Cemenko, people like you are one of the few things that put a smile on my face. If what you just said had come out of the mouth of, say, Noah Carmichael or Haven or Xavier Cross or Clubber Harris, I'd certainly dismiss it but I'd only be pissed and not amused. The reason being is that they've actually done things during the time that I was gone while you have been persona non grata so you giving me a lecture is something else. This match that we're going to have is YOUR big desperate move to once again get back in that main event spotlight that every once in a while flickers on you but never remains. You can call me out on the things I've done since returning but I'm standing here with this title and you're standing over there filling this arena with even more hot air than usual. These people out here are an even bigger joke than you because they're going to follow you like sheep right into a big pit of disappointment."

"All of that talk and you still didn't address what I said. I mean the talk was impressive, sure, but how exactly are you going to back it up this time around? How are you going to save yourself and luck your way into a win this time? Am I going to be facing the scourge of the WWE or am I going to be proven right by stepping in the ring with a spineless champion?"

"SPINELESS?!? Spineless? You know, Cemenko, I was actually going to take it easy on you seeing as you were low on the list of people who pissed me off while I was gone but since you seem to be asking for it, these next few weeks are going to be some of the longest you've had until you're BEGGING ME to end it at King of the Ring. And believe me, I will end it." With that, the champion takes his leave leaving Cemenko to ponder this over.

Third Match: Carmella Costello and the Academy vs. Frankie and the Dillingers
This is Carmella's first match back from suspension and she joins her stablemates in continuing her feud with Frankie. She's been a bad girl. A very naughty girl that needed to be punished. Ahem....anyways, she leads her team to victory here by using the ropes after rolling up Frankie for the pin. ****1/2, 91% overall.

Fourth Match: King of the Ring First Round - Noah Carmichael vs. Ronnie Costello
Ronnie looks to also join his sister in victory but he's got himself quite the task here in the former Unified World Champion. It's a nice showing and I have no doubts Costello will eventually be part of the upper-mid card at some point. Tonight's not his night as Carmichael busts out the Quick Draw and scores the win to advance to the second round. ****1/2, 90% overall.

Backstage, Nathan Quinn is with both of his clients, Lonny Richards and Leah. It's a big night for the two of them. Leah gets Jenna Kyle one-on-one and it will be glorious to watch the agony on Jenna's face as she realizes the mistake she made. On top of that, Lonny has his chance at redemption and immortality by taking out Caleb Greene and advancing in the King of the Ring tournament. No mercy to those dumb enough to get on Quinn's bad side!

Also backstage, Paul Andrews runs into Intercontinental Champion Brandon Reigns. Reigns tells Andrews that he dodged a bullet by not continuing to be involved with mentors and managers. It's done wonders for his career. Reigns thinks that maybe he should have a talk with Conner Buchanan and tell him to jump ship in order to save himself. Andrews mentions that it's funny that Reigns should bring up Buchanan because the truth is Buchanan was quite interested in getting some answers out of Reigns about that battle royal last week where Reigns caused Buchanan to lose. Maybe Reigns would be interested in allowing Buchanan to get some of those answers, like, say, in a match? Reigns simply says, "How's this for an answer: No."

Fifth Match: Leah vs. Jenna Kyle
I think I might be pushing Leah too fast. I mean, barely a month in and she's in a program with one of the top 3 faces in the women's division. I mean, I'm not going to complain about the results. Jenna utilizes all of her know-how to keep the rookie off of her game but to Leah's credit she remains difficult to put away. The end comes when the two are outside after Jenna dives through the ropes to hit Leah and they end up taking out a photographer. Leah takes the camera and smashes it into Jenna's face drawing the DQ. Leah lifts up Jenna's body while Quinn takes the camera and uses it to take shots of Jenna's face. Not quite the same photo shoot as on SmackDown! but it produced some great results heat-wise. ****1/2, 93% overall.

Sixth Match: Robbie Greer vs. One Half of the WWE Unified Tag Team Champions Rick Hilton
Vivian Merrick doesn't look too thrilled to be accompanying her boyfriend/client considering the last time she was involved with this she got plastered. Hilton keeps trying to explain that it was an accident and that he'll make it up to her by teaching Greer a lesson. Judging from this match I'd say a Wyldhearts/Future Foundation feud will be the shit. Hilton manages to score a countout win here after a brawl on the floor. He looks to Vivian for approval but she doesn't seem too impressed. *****, 94% overall.

Seventh Match: King of the Ring First Round - Caleb Greene vs. Lonny Richards
This is our last King of the Ring match for the night. I eventually want to put a cap on this feud and move everyone on. Caleb would be a great re-addition to the cruiserweight scene or maybe just keep him and Coleman as a regular team. Either way, this match is a great David vs. Goliath affair. Caleb gets the duke after countering Lonny's Dragon Sleeper into a roll-up to advance to the second round. ****1/2, 92% overall.

MAIN EVENT: The Hunters vs. Salvatore Scabbia and The Royal Effect
God, I love my overcrowded main events. This is obviously designed to continue the feuds between Scabbia and Pattillo and of course the newly minted Royal Effect and the Play Pals. This has got everything you want in a match of this type in the main event. King Kavovit is isolated after all of the chaos in the end with Ryan Pattillo and he falls victim to the Shutdown giving the faces the win here. ****1/2, 93% overall.

Overall show rating: 90%

[Evil Vito]

Good to see Von Kamp’s wild card entry via battle royal was not for naught. I automatically like him because that’s just an epic name.

Don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving Leah a big push out of the gate so long as she keeps delivering the snowflakes. I wonder if anyone has a three star match they are yelled at in gorilla and hang their head in shame.

Cemenko’s got an awful tough act to follow after having a GOAT match on a PPV pre show...but he and Butch can pull it off.

In general I love KOTR being an annual thing and actually being important. KOTR hasn’t been a PPV in almost 20 years and it still doesn’t feel right that it’s gone.

[M-A-G]

CZW wants to offer me a job.

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[Evil Vito]

The power move would've been to then immediately buy them out and put them out of business.

[M-A-G]

Superstars: July 5, 2040

Opening Match: The Wyldhearts vs. The Sin City Rollers
Curiously, Vivian Merrick is observing the proceedings without her champion clients, The Future Foundation. This is a standard 'pretty boy team getting punished by the big baddies' tag match as the Wyldhearts try to have a good showing. The end comes when Luis Ortega is isolated and falls victim to the Heartstopper giving the faces the win. Afterwards, the Future Foundation themselves start a beat down on the Wyldhearts but they take a break to admonish Vivian for being out here. That's all the opening the Wyldhearts need to recover and turn the tide to send the champions packing. ****1/2, 93% overall.

Second Match: King of the Ring First Round - Kyle Jacobs vs. L.A. Xander
This is the first we've seen of Jacobs since falling victim to Brandon Reigns at Night of Champions. He's not going to let Reigns have the last laugh nor will what happened at Night of Champions get under his skin. He knows he's better than Reigns and it will only be a matter of time before he gets to go up against the son of a bitch. If not, well, Jacobs will just have to make Reigns come to him, by winning King of the Ring and going on to win the Unified World Title. L.A.X. tries his damndest here but Jacobs is a flurry of emotion tonight. Jacobs gets a decisive victory here after hitting the Legacy Bomb to advance to the second round. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Backstage, Nathan Quinn is with Leah and they want to brag about what they did to Jenna Kyle on Raw. It was such a beautiful moment to knock the high and mighty princess off her tower and humiliate her. The people shouldn't feel that bad for her because the shots they took of Jenna, well, she's never looked better! They proceed to show off some of the photos they took after Jenna was beaten down. They claim that these images should be the ones that get emblazoned in the minds of the people along with one other important image: Leah standing triumphantly over a conquered women's division.

Third Match: King of the Ring First Round - Salvatore Scabbia vs. Ozzy Mandias
A definite size difference here but Ozzy is game. Sadly he can't overcome the might of Scabbia and the treachery of Brooke and he falls victim to the Omerta to give Scabbia the win and thus Scabbia advances to the second round. ****1/2, 90% overall.

Fourth Match: WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey, Billie Padgett, and Emma Edwards vs. Tania, Jamie Roderick, and Phoebe Hanson
With Tania being vocal about wanting to be the first to challenge the new Women's Champion and still entangled with Padgett this seems like a reasonable comprise. Plus it's 6 awesome women in a match so I'm not going to say 'no' to that. Tania and Padgett end up alone together and Padgett accidentally collides with Naomi after having an Irish whip to the ropes reversed and that leads to Tania hitting the Nose Dive for the pin and the victory. ****1/2, 93% overall.

Backstage, Faith Connors wants to give us an update on Jenna's condition. The truth is she's in much better shape physically than mentally because Leah made the stupid decision to poke the bear. Faith can empathize because of the nonsense pettiness she has to put up with from Hannah McCormick. Why can't these women just let Jenna and Faith just be Jenna and Faith? Faith Connors doesn't know how to be anyone other than Faith Connors and if that means she's recognized as the biggest and best women's wrestler in the WWE, so be it. Hannah needs to either step it up if she wants to claim that top spot or get the hell off Faith's case.

Fifth Match: King of the Ring First Round - Xavier Cross vs. Nigel Gallagher
Cross wants to let us know that he's not bitter about Kerry Cemenko competing for the Unified World Title at King of the Ring. In fact, Cross hopes that Cemenko goes on to win the title because Cross is going to see his sorry ass at SummerSlam after becoming the King of the Ring! Nigel proves to be a much tougher opponent to put away than Cross anticipated as his high-flying prowess is enough to stay alive against a guy like Cross. Ultimately, Nigel's nemesis Jerome McDougal lets his envy get the better of him and he interferes enough to allow Cross to hit Nigel with the Cross Cutter for the win and advances to the second round. Nigel receives a consolation prize in the form of McDougal stomping the piss out of him after the match. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Backstage, the WWE Unified World Champion Butch Fleming wants to set everyone's minds at ease. He knows about how the King of the Ring tournament captures the imagination and it's a fun little game to pick out the eventual winner and picture them in the main event of SummerSlam. Well there's no need to burst a vessel this time around. Take any of the remaining competitors, from Caleb Greene to Ryan Pattillo to Martyn LaSalle to Chris Collins; take any of them, picture them lying down, face up on that mat with Fleming standing over them still the Unified World Champion because Kerry Cemenko's fate is sealed. It's been made clear that there are consequences for daring to cross Fleming. Consider it a miracle if Cemenko makes it out of King of the Ring under his own power, much less with the title.

Sixth Match: Carmella Costello vs. Lauren Franklyn
Just a match to keep Carmella's feud with Frankie going. Costello sneaks out a cheap pinfall victory using the ropes. Afterwards, Frankie runs in for YOUR obligatory catfight. ****1/2, 89% overall.

Seventh Match: King of the Ring First Round - Gavin Jones vs. Quentin McDaniels
This is our last King of the Ring match for the night. Moses McKay of the Royal Effect joins the announce team at ringside to offer his insight on Gavin Jones. McKay has Gavin's buddy and leader Ryan Pattillo as his King of the Ring first round match and King Kavovit has Michael Haywood in his King of the Ring match. It'd be quite something if all three of those sophomoric clowns get destroyed and fail to win this tournament. Easier said than done as McDaniels is having a rough time putting away Gavin. McKay seems to be getting that vibe as well and he takes it upon himself to leave the announce table and play cheerleader for McDaniels...and punch Gavin in the balls when the ref is busy with McDaniels. This leads to Gavin suffering a Great Depression to give McDaniels the win. McKay tosses Gavin around the outside area for fun afterwards. *****, 95% overall.

MAIN EVENT: WWE Cruiserweight Champion The Undefeated Steel Cage Master Former Cruiserweight Champion-Elect Michael Hotbody and Zed Jones vs. The Dillingers
Hotbody hopes Martyn LaSalle is watching because tonight is a demonstration that both Zed Jones AND Hotbody can multi-task and still be at the top of their game. Hotbody actually feels sorry for Martyn LaSalle. Not only is LaSalle inferior to Hotbody but nobody wants to be LaSalle's friend! Everyone should have at least one friend, even if they're a straight-laced stick in the mud sorry sack of suck like Martyn LaSalle. Hotbody isn't willing to give up the Cruiserweight Title but he will do his best to find a special someone for Martyn LaSalle because he's going to need a drinking buddy to pour his heart out to after he fails! Anyways, to the match, despite the posturing Hotbody is more than happy to let Zed do all of the work. The match breaks down and in the confusion and chaos Hotbody nails Joey Dillinger with the Cruiserweight Title belt and that allows Zed to score a cheap pin for the victory. Hotbody celebrates like he's won the Super Bowl. *****, 95% overall.

Overall show rating: 91%

[M-A-G]

SmackDown!: July 6, 2040

What's this? Two wrestling shows occurring around Independence Day and no jingoistic bullshit taking up airtime? MADNESS, I SAY!!!

Opening Match: King of the Ring First Round - King Kavovit vs. Michael Haywood
The first round of the King of the Ring Tournament concludes tonight with the final four matches taking place all on the same show. This serves a duel purpose in that we're continuing the Royal Effect/Play Pals feud. This makes for quite an opener and it comes down to Haywood locking in the Rage Quit but the 15-time limit expires and thus we have a draw and neither man advances. Haywood won't let go but Moses McKay makes it a point to come down and pull him off his partner hits the Mass Effect. *****, 98% overall.

Second Match: Conner Buchanan vs. Steve Hayes
Paul Andrews still makes the case that Buchanan should have a go at Brandon Reigns if Reigns wants to act like the cock of the walk. This is designed to make Buchanan look good and it ends with him getting a decisive victory after hitting the Borderline. Buchanan makes it a point to declare that he doesn't want Reigns, he wants the Intercontinental Title, too. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Backstage, the WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey is offended over the idea of Tania daring to ask for a title match against her. She may be open to a fight considering Sonya Braddock is taking her sweet time recovering from Night Of Champions but she's not just going to hand out title matches to whoever just says 'pretty please?' Tania is delusional but Naomi is willing to let her wash her royal garments.

Elsewhere backstage, Rick Hilton and Vivian Merrick are having a lover's quarrel. Hilton wants to know to what he has to do to get out of the doghouse. Vivian is just being difficult at this point not forgiving Hilton. After all, Hilton was nice enough to forgive Vivian for distracting him and Julian last night and for being the one who lost the fall against Sonya Braddock. Vivian fires back that she didn't ask him and Julian to be out there last night. Rick wants to know why she was even watching the Wyldhearts. Vivian answers that maybe their girls get better treatment and walks off.

Third Match: King of the Ring First Round - Justin Mitchell vs. Haven
Haven is not fucking around tonight. He lets everyone know that the part of Butch Fleming will be played by Justin Mitchell right now. Mitchell and his manager, Brooke, try everything they can think of to stop the momentum of Haven but the stars are not aligned in their favor. Haven tosses Brooke to Mitchell then boots him in the face when she gets caught and hits the Sting of Solace to score the win and advance to the second round. ****1/2, 90% overall.

Fourth Match: Hugo vs. Daniel St. Croix
I'm finally at the point where I can do this match proper and continue Hugo's destructive path. St. Croix tries his best to stand up for his former partner but Hugo is just too much and hits the Moonsault Crush for the pin. ****1/2, 89% overall.

It's time for another edition of The Hot Ticket with everyone's favorite host, the WWE Cruiserweight Champion, The Undefeated Steel Cage Master Former Cruiserweight Champion-Elect Michael Hotbody! He's got the press pool out here and he's ready to take some questions. First things first, Zed Jones is not here as he preparing to completely dominate the King of the Ring Tournament but he wants to pass along a message from him which is written down here: "Michael Hotbody is truly the greatest friend a man or woman could ask for. Selfless, supportive, and caring don't even begin to describe the full measure of the man who is the best Cruiserweight Champion this company has seen in years!" OK, now, let's get to the questions!

"Mr. Hotbody, how are you preparing for your inevitable encounter with Martyn LaSalle and how badly are you going to beat him in your title match against him?"

"Well you prepare in the manner you'd expect to prepare for someone like LaSalle. I'm expecting a lot of frowny faces from him and virtually no smiling. Some people may say that's him being focused but the truth is he goes into a zone where he has flashbacks to being picked last in gym class and being voted Most Likely To Need Therapy Before Graduation. His defeat at my hands is going to send him back to that therapy! Next question!"

"You mentioned on Superstars that you'd be looking into getting Martyn LaSalle a friend. Have you started this process and if so where are you looking for this friend?"

"I plan on starting this process soon and I'm open to lots of places. A world this vast and diverse has to have at least one person willing to put up with Martyn LaSalle. None of these people have any faith in him so I can't really look here but that's not going to deter me! Next question!"

"Yes, is it true that you've discovered that LaSalle's own parents didn't even want him?"

"Well, look, that's a sensitive issue and I don't really want to harp on it too much. I'm not going to go as far as saying he wasn't loved but I have heard that there were a few instances where LaSalle's dad wanted to shoot himself over not pulling out! Hey, who can blame him? I may be looking to try to help him make a connection but I sure as well would be disappointed if Martyn was my son and I'd have kicked the cow that birthed him straight to the curb!"

Those last few statements are enough to bring LaSalle himself out from the back and running down to the ring to try and get him some of the champion. Hotbody quickly declares "NO MORE QUESTIONS!" and runs into the crowd with LaSalle on his tail.

Fifth Match: King of the Ring First Round - Stone Walsh vs. Clubber Harris
I think I might have something for Harris after all here. I really don't want to just discard him. In fact, I'll send him to round two of this tournament! Harris gets the clean pin after hitting the Club Pain. *****, 94% overall.

Sixth Match: WWE Unified Tag Team Champions The Future Foundation and The Millennium Rebels vs. The Wyldhearts and The British Infection
Fun, fun, fun all around. Vivian Merrick is in her guys' corner but looks like she'd rather be getting dental surgery. Things break down as Robbie Greer and Rick Hilton tumble hard to the outside right in front of Vivian. She shows concern and kneels down but Rick pulls away accusing her of checking out Robbie, too. The argument is enough to distract Nate Exley, the legal man, and that allows Julian Merrick to get a handful of tights roll up for the win. ****1/2, 91% overall.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with Nathan Quinn as he demands that the production crew put up the photos he and Leah took of Jenna Kyle on the big screen for everyone to enjoy. He demands that everyone bask in Jenna's image! That's what they've been wanting to do, isn't it? Soak it all up because there's plenty more where that came from! There will be plenty more humiliation! Plenty more violence! And more importantly, plenty more Leah! Leah is the kind of person the women's division needs, not some overpaid MMA celebrity or a cover girl or some street hoodlum who happens to be friends with that cover girl! Yeah, Faith is who he's talking about and he knows that she's been fuming over people wanting to move in on her territory. Well, she's more than welcome to come and do something about it if she can!

Needless to say, Faith Connors comes out to the stage and looks to make her way down to confront Nathan BUT WAIT! A photographer just nails Faith from behind with their camera. It's Hannah McCormick in disguise! She chokes out Faith with the camera strap and drags her up to the stage and proceeds to slam her repeatedly into the set. Once she's had her fun she takes her leave but Nathan decides to take the camera and use it for more photos as he shoots Faith's beaten body.

MAIN EVENT: King of the Ring First Round - Ryan Pattillo vs. Moses McKay
And with this we close out the first round of the tournament. The second round starts on Raw. Pattillo is the last member of the Hunters in the tournament and McKay tries his damndest to make what he predicted on Superstars come to pass. The ref is bumped and McKay looks to cheat his way to a win with a chair but Gavin Jones hops up on the apron to object to this. McKay takes a swing at him but misses and Jones drops McKay throat-first on the top rope allowing Pattillo to hit the Shutdown for the pin and is the final competitor to advance to the second round. McKay takes his leave, furious. *****, 95% overall.

Overall show rating: 91%

[M-A-G]

Updated brackets with the second round ready to go:

[Evil Vito]

Another brilliant Hotbody promo. The name gets longer and longer and longer. Trying to think of other accolades that can be added to his moniker as the months go on. I love the idea of him helping Zed take out LaSalle in a future round and then replacing him in the next round. King of the Ring Semifinalist! Gotta add Slammy Award Winner in there at some point. Playgirl Centerfold?

That Kavovit/Haywood match I love the idea of a 15 minute draw to open a random SmackDown being a GOAT quality match. Throwing a bye in there is a nice twist.

The tournament feels fairly wide open because everybody is so over there isn't really a "stretch" of a winner anywhere to be found, the crowd will eat it all up.

And yes, Nathan Quinn is right, we ALL want to bask in Jenna Kyle's image. I'm always a mark for "wrestler in disguise" angles, it's something that works great for either faces or heels.

[M-A-G]

Oh, no doubt Hotbody is in the running for Douche of the Year and/or Rookie of the Year, although I don't think he'd be keen on having the former as part of his title. I could see someone like him winning that award and then taping something over the word 'Douche' on the plaque that says 'WWE Humanitarian' or something to that effect.

Determining the match of the year is a pain. I guess Cemenko/Cross would be a contender, something I wasn't expecting. The year up to this point has produced some goodies and there's still a whole half to come. Being a fan in this universe would be something else with all of the snowflakes.

Jenna, Faith, Braddock, Naomi, and Hannah are easily the field for Woman of the Year. I mean, I know which way you'd vote.

[Evil Vito]

Hotbody winning Douche of the Year but just spinning it into "Slammy Award Winner" in his title would be SO on brand.

[M-A-G]

Had to suspend Lonny Richards for running his mouth on a talk show. I will not tolerate anyone blasting our fine catering!!!

[M-A-G]

Raw: July 9, 2040

Opening Match: King of the Ring Second Round - Quentin McDaniels vs. Caleb Greene
The King of the Ring continues with four matches tonight and the final three on Superstars to get the final 8 determined. Greene is a hard to pin down high flyer here in the face of a vicious and determined McDaniels. McDaniels is so determined that his fist manifests a foreign object and it collides with Greene's face allowing McDaniels to pick up the pin and be the first man in the quarterfinals. *****, 94% overall.

Backstage, Vivian Merrick walks into Lisa Benton's office apparently in response to a summons. Benton wants to know how the Future Foundation are faring. Vivian rolls her eyes and responds they're still the best team the WWE has got going if that's what she means. Benton only asks because any personal animosity amongst Vivian's group could be disastrous, especially when Benton is making a Unified Tag Team championship match for King of the Ring. Vivian wonders who could possibly be good enough right now to take down her boys. Benton responds by saying it's a team Vivian has seemed to shown great interest in these last few weeks: The Wyldhearts. Vivian reacts with an odd expression, with a mix of anger and content.

Elsewhere backstage the Royal Effect want to yell and bitch about a couple of things. First thing first, the fact that dumb pretty boy teams like the Wyldhearts getting a title shot over the Royal Effect is just more fuel to what they've been saying. The Play Pals are a symptom of rot here in the WWE and they need to be taught a lesson.

Second Match: King of the Ring Second Round - Salvatore Scabbia vs. Martyn LaSalle
LaSalle makes it known that he's aware of what Hotbody is trying to do with his insults and theatrics. Hotbody shouldn't be worried about whether or not LaSalle has friends because the comfort of the Cruiserweight Championship along with the King of the Ring crown is more than enough. Scabbia tries his usual overpowering tactics here forcing LaSalle to take this to the mat in order to stand a chance. LaSalle manages to counter the Omerta and turn it into an attempt at locking in the Martynizer but Michael Hotbody makes his presence known being accompanied by an obvious, umm, 'professional companion', and offers her up to LaSalle. This is enough to break LaSalle's focus and Scabbia escapes and goes back into locking in the Omerta which causes LaSalle to pass out sending Scabbia to the quarterfinals. After Scabbia leaves Michael Hotbody and his, er, company enter the ring and Hotbody gets on the mic and mocks LaSalle for not being able to 'rise' to the occassion despite Hotbody bringing him a companion. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Third Match: The Wyldhearts vs. The Wolves of Wall Street
The Wyldhearts have some fire here as they're happy to be the number one contenders to the Unified Tag Team Titles. Vivian Merrick once again makes it a point to watch the match from the stage. Well that aside, this is all about making the Wyldhearts look good and they isolate Hughs and hit the Heartstopper for the win. Vivian looks impressed and possibly a little aroused. *****, 95% overall.

In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with Paul Andrews. He wants to talk about the level of disappointment he feels in the current Intercontinental Champion, Brandon Reigns. Much like Jake Connelly, Paul Andrews pegged Reigns as a future top name even before Connelly decided to take Reigns under his wing. Andrews doesn't want to slight Reigns for his choices but rather his attitude. Reigns feels that he has nothing left to learn but as the saying goes, the day you stop learning is the day you die. Reigns' career is far from over granted but its decline can be sped up if he continues this grandstanding. Ultimately, Reigns will be judged on how he faces adversity just like everybody else who laces those boots and struts their way into this ring. So Andrews is daring Reigns to step up to the adversity known as Conner Buchanan and accept his challenge for an Intercontinental Title match.

This brings out the Intercontinental Champion himself and he joins Andrews in the ring. Reigns declares that he's not afraid of adversity but he's not interested in wasting his time. That's why he opted out of the King of the Ring and that's why he said no to Conner's challenge last week. He had his time in the spotlight and it's not Reigns' fault that Conner has to resort to latching onto another has-been like Paul Andrews to stay afloat. It's actually quite sad. So Reigns will once again reject the challenge but with one small caveat: if Conner or Andrews waste his time again with crap like this, Reigns won't be so merciful. Andrews retorts that a match with Buchanan wouldn't be a waste of time but a chance for Reigns to show a 'has-been' like Andrews that he is indeed the future like he claims to be. Wouldn't it be so sweet in Reigns' mind if he was able to shove Andrews' words down his throat? Reigns says that he knows that Andrews has to speak for Buchanan as a manager so he gets what he's trying to do. But the problem is Reigns doesn't need a match to do what Andrews is asking for. And with that Reigns nails Andrews with his Money in the Bank briefcase. Reigns proceeds to pound the shit out of Andrews and even locks him in the Iron Reign. He lets go when it looks like Andrews is out and thus takes his leave.

Fourth Match: Fatal Four Way Number One Contender's Match for the Women's Title - Tania vs. Billie Padgett vs. Hannah McCormick vs. Faith Connors
As the WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey feels entitled to watch this from ringside standing near the announce table. Faith and Hannah continue their little drama but it all boils down to Tania escaping Padgett's Red Hook and countering into the Nose Dive to score the pin and earn herself a championship match. Hannah and Faith battle it out to who knows where and Tania and Naomi exchange glares. ****1/2, 94% overall.

Fifth Match: King of the Ring Second Round - Haven vs. Azazel
Two dark monsters battling it out here. Haven once again demonstrates his desire to not fuck around in this tournament. After a grueling heavyweight slugfest Haven manages to score a clean victory after hitting the Sting of Solace for the pin to advance to the quarterfinals. ****1/2, 93% overall.

More In-Ring Special Talky Time with the challenger to the Unified World Title, Kerry Cemenko. Cemenko asks the crowd if Butch Fleming has the ability to fly. Does Butch Fleming has superhuman strength and bulletproof skin? Does Butch Fleming have lasers that shoot from his eyes? Can Butch Fleming turn invisible or lift things with his mind? Can he even use a bow and arrow? If the answer to all of those question is no, then quite frankly those threats that Fleming made last week ring a little hollow. You see, here's a shocking truth that Fleming doesn't want any of us to process: he's only a man. A vicious man? Yes. A tough man? Absolutely. An invincible man? No. He wants to talk about making life difficult well for Kerry Cemenko there have been plenty of days that are difficult. He calls them days when he hasn't been the Unified World Champion. You see, when you get into this business with an eye to wear that top prize, you had better get rid of the fear of another man because you might as well just pack it in and head home. There will be pain, there will be torture, there will be heartbreak but it's all worth it when you can sit at home, looking at that championship, with a proud feeling in your soul that it was worth it and you didn't let somebody like Butch Fleming and his words deter you. King of the Ring is not Fleming's playground where he throws his weight around and Cemenko is just supposed to run away crying to his mommy. It's a night where Cemenko takes all of what Fleming has to offer and he spits right in Fleming's face and laughs it off because winning that Unified World Title is too damn important. You're a man, Fleming, not a monster. And even if you were, Cemenko would find a way to slay you anyway.

Bold words, but Fleming has managed to sneak his way into the ring behind Cemenko and nails him knocking him down. The champion hasn't taken kindly to Cemenko's bravado and proceeds to pummel the challenger all around the outside of the ring. Fleming sets up the announce table looking to put an exclamation point on this. SLAUGHTERHOUSE SPECIAL THROUGH THE TABLE!!! Cemenko stands tall and shouts some more smack to his fallen adversary.

Sixth Match: Leah vs. Missy Brantley
Leah and Nathan Quinn make it a point to hand out photos of their beatdown of Jenna Kyle from last week to the crowd. Quinn points out that Jenna might just never show her face again around here! The match goes along without a hitch until Leah looks to hit the Sultry Splash but HERE COMES JENNA running down the aisle! She makes a beeline for Leah and tackles her down for the DQ. Jenna will not be denied though! She smashes Leah's face into the canvas a few times before Quinn pulls her off and gets Leah the hell out of there. ****1/2, 92% overall.

MAIN EVENT: King of the Ring Second Round - Ryan Pattillo vs. Zed Jones
This will do it for our King of the Ring matches for the night. Michael Hotbody accompanies Zed and invites Martyn LaSalle to watch a real King of the Ring contender in Zed Jones...if he's still not off in dreamland, that is. This is another hard-hitting contest with Hotbody interjecting himself whenever he can behind the ref's back. Ultimately Martyn LaSalle comes down and stalks Hotbody. Hotbody shits his pants and backs off pleading with LaSalle. They have themselves a chase through the crowd leaving Zed by himself with Pattillo. The whole ordeal is enough to allow Pattillo to take advantage of Zed's pre-occupation with the shenanigans and hit the Shutdown to get the win and advance to the quarterfinals. ****1/2, 91% overall.

Overall show rating: 90%

[Evil Vito]

Originally Posted by M-A-G Second Match: King of the Ring Second Round - Salvatore Scabbia vs. Martyn LaSalle LaSalle makes it known that he's aware of what Hotbody is trying to do with his insults and theatrics. Hotbody shouldn't be worried about whether or not LaSalle has friends because the comfort of the Cruiserweight Championship along with the King of the Ring crown is more than enough. Scabbia tries his usual overpowering tactics here forcing LaSalle to take this to the mat in order to stand a chance. LaSalle manages to counter the Omerta and turn it into an attempt at locking in the Martynizer but Michael Hotbody makes his presence known being accompanied by an obvious, umm, 'professional companion', and offers her up to LaSalle. This is enough to break LaSalle's focus and Scabbia escapes and goes back into locking in the Omerta which causes LaSalle to pass out sending Scabbia to the quarterfinals. After Scabbia leaves Michael Hotbody and his, er, company enter the ring and Hotbody gets on the mic and mocks LaSalle for not being able to 'rise' to the occassion despite Hotbody bringing him a companion. ****1/2, 92% overall.

Michael Hotbody debuted his new gimmick: The Godfather. It got a confused response.

Third Match: The Wyldhearts vs. The Wolves of Wall Street The Wyldhearts have some fire here as they're happy to be the number one contenders to the Unified Tag Team Titles. Vivian Merrick once again makes it a point to watch the match from the stage. Well that aside, this is all about making the Wyldhearts look good and they isolate Hughs and hit the Heartstopper for the win. Vivian looks impressed and possibly a little aroused. *****, 95% overall.

Sixth Match: Leah vs. Missy Brantley Leah and Nathan Quinn make it a point to hand out photos of their beatdown of Jenna Kyle from last week to the crowd. Quinn points out that Jenna might just never show her face again around here! The match goes along without a hitch until Leah looks to hit the Sultry Splash but HERE COMES JENNA running down the aisle! She makes a beeline for Leah and tackles her down for the DQ. Jenna will not be denied though! She smashes Leah's face into the canvas a few times before Quinn pulls her off and gets Leah the hell out of there. ****1/2, 92% overall.

I'm all in on Jenna snapping and killing things. I don't really ever do handicap matches but would pop at Jenna facing both Leah and Quinn and making Quinn tap out.

MAIN EVENT: King of the Ring Second Round - Ryan Pattillo vs. Zed Jones This will do it for our King of the Ring matches for the night. Michael Hotbody accompanies Zed and invites Martyn LaSalle to watch a real King of the Ring contender in Zed Jones...if he's still not off in dreamland, that is. This is another hard-hitting contest with Hotbody interjecting himself whenever he can behind the ref's back. Ultimately Martyn LaSalle comes down and stalks Hotbody. Hotbody shits his pants and backs off pleading with LaSalle. They have themselves a chase through the crowd leaving Zed by himself with Pattillo. The whole ordeal is enough to allow Pattillo to take advantage of Zed's pre-occupation with the shenanigans and hit the Shutdown to get the win and advance to the quarterfinals. ****1/2, 91% overall.

Even though it'd be heavyweight vs. cruiserweight, I envision Jones eventually being tired of Hotbody's antics and turning on him, but for realsies this time. I'm always a sucker for "heel's stooge gets fed up". I think AEW are saving Wardlow eventually turning on MJF for when they get back on the road in front of crowds, because I think it will blow the roof off the building.

[Evil Vito]

I have my entire Double or Nothing card ready to go and 5 Dynamites to build to it, and I have most of the big angles coming out of it ready to go too. But I have serious writers block at the moment.

Such is life with me and EWR. It's a paradox where I'd probably be near the end of the year by now if I wasn't posting results, yet posting the results is the main thing that drives me back into playing

[M-A-G]

Had to suspend Sonya Braddock because people complaining about her attitude. I imagine it was mainly her stare causing too many people to wet their pants when she walked down a hallway.

[M-A-G]

So I mentioned having two NXT prospects where the game is telling me that they're ready to go even though their workrate blows chunks. Well, I'm keeping one of them because of their charisma and dumping the other but I'm going to switch their names because Luscious is a much better fit. So look for her to be inserted in one of the storylines soon.